mental telepathy

[Edge]

I have a strong passion to spit raps that are long lasting
U could find me with tommy chong laughin, bong passin
Spit a couple raps and than I'm gone crashin
Destroy peace with my peice until the calms bashed in
Every moms trashin my cd cuz I rap offensive
So I'm plannin out stratigies and actin pensive
6 bars down and I need another ten more
And imma go so hard that I probably leave the pen sore
Like a kennore I make efficient use of energy
Line up ur top ten rappers, I abuse ten emcees
Bruisin enimines when I'm drunk cuz I'm boozin henesy
Whose ahead of me or even comin close to my pedigree
Noone got this energy, because edge'l be
Fuckin up his enimies, with mental telepathy
I'm coming in, r u sure u really want this
Cuz I get deeper than the lockness's swamp is
Deeper than the grand canyon, Pistol leaves ya man ramblin
I won't leave ur man standin, U ain't gunna eat like a damn famine
I'm taking all ya food, Pistol takin all ya dudes
when I put it to ur temple it be changin all ya moods
U went from angry and frustrated
To shittin ur pants scared, u just made it
Ur pussy, I just ate it, now it's time to get my dick sucked
and if it's goin down, imma have to load the clip up
Vest is getting ripped up, cuz bullets are hallow
Runnway pussys lookin tight so I gotta scar models
Finished Percacet capsuls and empty bar bottles
Nah fuck that I'm tryin to go far, follow
And I can promise u ain't gunna keep up
Rappers get beat up cuz their beats suck
And don't get me started on the shitty pen game
Line the rappers up and it's more than ten slain
No pointin out who cuz I don't remember mens name
but rap is looking dismal but i know that it can gain

[Edge]

i guess i gotta bump this too

[Innovation]

If you want feedback, you have to give it to someone else and post the link here.

[MikeNUFC]

Pretty impressive - the rhyming and internals were good for the most part, although there were a couple of occasions where you let the rhyme force the line

Flow was fine, except this bit where I lost it:

Vest is getting ripped up, cuz bullets are hallow
Runnway pussys lookin tight so I gotta scar models

The only other criticism is that it felt it went on too long - got boring after about half way.

[Edge]

Pretty impressive - the rhyming and internals were good for the most part, although there were a couple of occasions where you let the rhyme force the line

Flow was fine, except this bit where I lost it:

Vest is getting ripped up, cuz bullets are hallow
Runnway pussys lookin tight so I gotta scar models

The only other criticism is that it felt it went on too long - got boring after about half way.

alright thanks man, i appreciate it. jw which lines would you say seemed forced?

[MikeNUFC]

^

Vest is getting ripped up, cuz bullets are hallow
Runnway pussys lookin tight so I gotta scar models

U could find me with tommy chong laughin, bong passin
Spit a couple raps and than I'm gone crashin

But reading it again, that's probably the only two occasions. It's actaully really impressive rhyme-wise.

[Edge]

^

Vest is getting ripped up, cuz bullets are hallow
Runnway pussys lookin tight so I gotta scar models

U could find me with tommy chong laughin, bong passin
Spit a couple raps and than I'm gone crashin

But reading it again, that's probably the only two occasions. It's actaully really impressive rhyme-wise.

Thanks man I appreciate the feed. The first one I agree with but the bong one I have a nice flow/ delivery when I spit it to make it sound nice