First Enslaved (Edited: Now 3 Verses)

by **MikeNUFC** » Jul 29th, '11, 15:42

......

by **Innovation** » Jul 29th, '11, 17:35

Fantastic verse mate. :y:

The rhyming was fantastic throughout and some of the internals were very impressive. Your wording was also very appropriate for the topic. I was also impressed at some of your multis. Here's two that stuck out to me as I read them.

So when you generalise and turn your nose up at poor blacks
You back a racist system; a burning hope of that forepast

Very impressive. I really appreciate the skill here, it's not easy to pull off a seven syllable rhyme let alone make it flow so well and take nothing away from the topic.

Let me break it down; show how the hate is just a mask
And how racism today links back to racists from the past

You must have been in the zone writing this mate. This is one of the best pieces I've read from you and I definitively think you should go ahead and write the third verse.

by **MikeNUFC** » Jul 29th, '11, 23:22

^Thanks guys.

And CREAM - it's "help dispell the myths/wealth goes to the rich" - syllables match up like this.

by **Drug.Ballad** » Jul 30th, '11, 00:51

The rhyming in this was very impressive, and it flowed really well. Also you spoke about the state of the country spot on.

As the poor are getting poorer, the wealth goes to the rich

by **ArsheyHaq** » Jul 30th, '11, 23:09

Nice Mike!!

by **MikeNUFC** » Aug 16th, '11, 00:28

Edited the fuck out of this and added a 3rd verse.

If you feed, I'll return feed as soon as I can, just post a link of your latest piece. :b:

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Aug 16th, '11, 00:31

I got hooked immediately. It made me really think, too. Nice work, I really like the rhyming! :y:

by **MikeNUFC** » Aug 16th, '11, 16:07

Appreciated :b:

by **EyeSpick** » Aug 18th, '11, 03:12

I can't find the flow at all but it's a great song that needs recorded ASAP.

by **Man1x** » Aug 18th, '11, 06:47

Amazing, nuff said.

by **Matt Holck** » Aug 18th, '11, 08:45

this probes it's point
it's hard to be free if one has no rights or property

by **MikeNUFC** » Aug 18th, '11, 18:23

Cheers guys.

Eminemy - will return feed in a bit,

by **FlintSpark** » Aug 20th, '11, 17:08

Actually seems like an amazing piece, with concept, great vocab, and nice rhyming. Can't really quote it because i loved a lot of parts in there. overall great piece. Second verse was my favorite. Can't say much else. If you have the time thought feed viewtopic.php?f=24&t=122641. Please and thank you. My first attempt at writing something here and any feedback would be nice.

by **MikeNUFC** » Aug 21st, '11, 14:48

FlintSpark wrote:Actually seems like an amazing piece, with concept, great vocab, and nice rhyming. Can't really quote it because i loved a lot of parts in there. overall great piece. Second verse was my favorite. Can't say much else. If you have the time thought feed viewtopic.php?f=24&t=122641. Please and thank you. My first attempt at writing something here and any feedback would be nice.

Thanks man. And done. :y:

by **Trimss** » Aug 22nd, '11, 00:37

This was really, really awesome. I can relate to it, since I already witnessed racism against me and I'm sure I will again.

I'm impressed because I'd love to have a vocab like the one used in this, I mean you managed to rhyme well and still have meaningful words, it was really a pleasure to read it.

And when the riots kick off, not a silence is heard
We all look at what happened but not why it occured

This is so damn true.

Good job. :y:

First Enslaved (Edited: Now 3 Verses)

First Enslaved (Edited: Now 3 Verses)

Re: First Enslaved Were The Working Class (FULL SONG-ish)

Re: First Enslaved Were The Working Class (FULL SONG-ish)

Re: First Enslaved Were The Working Class (FULL SONG-ish)

Re: First Enslaved Were The Working Class (FULL SONG-ish)

Re: First Enslaved (Edited: Now 3 Verses)

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Re: First Enslaved (Edited: Now 3 Verses)

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