On Some Bullsh*t

[JamaicanPattlez]

You're the type to get butthurt over a simple gay joke,
You're like a pimple on a dyke while her sister takes pokes,
And I don't have to be Khalifa to make paper smoke,
I'm asking you to fear the reaper, so take Shiela, bloke,
Take notes, cause I'm the man that's got a brand new plan,
So put your hands and clap together for the grand true scam!
Now look, my hooks are known to hang fools by a noose,
Like how books took me over these brutes to a booth,
I read the dictionary religiously, and now I'm like a missionary,
So if Mary's of the Trinity, then I'm seemingly the fiction fairy,
The world needs a scribe, because these guys are filled with lies,
Like those girls who act so nice, when by surprise they change like night,
Society's like a car with doors ajar and the tires gone,
And unsurprisingly your jaw is swollen, now how's that for firearms?
I'm a kid who's got vendettas against the bitch I can't remember,
But I wish that didn't prevent us from winning this shit like old Mandela.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=134066&p=1810230#p1810230

[Mr.DGAF]

I like this for the most part. Some clever lines and such, but your still developing as a writer. Which I am too, definitely, but yeah. You're getting better with each piece man, the multies in this are sick nasty. And I dunno if it's just me, it may be, but it seems like recently the pieces I've been reading from you are kinda the same in subject matter. Like, just fuck around stuff, which is cool, but I haven't really seen you drop anything with real substance recently, and I'd like to see that man.

But in all aspects techincally, this is a really good verse. The flow is on point for real, which is probably due to the nice multies all throughout. Good drop homie.

[JamaicanPattlez]

I like this for the most part. Some clever lines and such, but your still developing as a writer. Which I am too, definitely, but yeah. You're getting better with each piece man, the multies in this are sick nasty. And I dunno if it's just me, it may be, but it seems like recently the pieces I've been reading from you are kinda the same in subject matter. Like, just fuck around stuff, which is cool, but I haven't really seen you drop anything with real substance recently, and I'd like to see that man.

But in all aspects techincally, this is a really good verse. The flow is on point for real, which is probably due to the nice multies all throughout. Good drop homie.

Thanks bro. Nah, it's not only you. I'm actually working on some stuff with something, so no worries. Thanks for the feed!

[Sam.]

Dude ! You improve faster than Jay-Z on the Mic. ~ Get it.

I must tell you that you're in the right direction as far as the way you deliver your verses. A verse with cleverly done lines is always the best substitute to a verse full of complicated punchlines.

Rhymes man, that's what it's all about and the way you do it, it's really worthy.You're able to make your thoughts reflect in those Rhymes, Genoz and Menzoz do the same thing.

In this verse I observed a perfect blend of Humor and fiction and it was dealt with beautifully.

No criticism man.Keep at it.

Keep slayin 'em.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Dude ! You improve faster than Jay-Z on the Mic. ~ Get it.

I must tell you that you're in the right direction as far as the way you deliver your verses. A verse with cleverly done lines is always the best substitute to a verse full of complicated punchlines.

Rhymes man, that's what it's all about and the way you do it, it's really worthy.Not only that you're able to make you thoughts reflect in those Rhymes, Genoz and Menzoz do the same thing.

In this verse I observed a perfect blend of Humor and fiction and it was dealt with beautifully.

No criticism man.Keep at it.

Keep slayin 'em.

I got it lmao, nice.


Thanks man! I definitely took your advice and added some more clever lines in it, so props.

[Eedee]

Now look, my hooks are known to hang fools by a noose,
Like how books took me over these brutes to a booth,

That's my favorite part, the flow and assonance on that was sick, with the 4 syllable multi at the end there.

Rest was okay, still good, the rhyme scheme was weird at the beginning, you seemed to rhyme the line before it internally on the next line then start a new rhyme at the end of the same line... lol Intriguing...

Anyway, I look forward to reading more drops from you. Keep it up!

[JamaicanPattlez]

Now look, my hooks are known to hang fools by a noose,
Like how books took me over these brutes to a booth,

That's my favorite part, the flow and assonance on that was sick, with the 4 syllable multi at the end there.

Rest was okay, still good, the rhyme scheme was weird at the beginning, you seemed to rhyme the line before it internally on the next line then start a new rhyme at the end of the same line... lol Intriguing...

Anyway, I look forward to reading more drops from you. Keep it up!

Thanks man!

[JamaicanPattlez]

I get you man. Thanks!

[Blu]

I liked it, the Khalifa line was good, pretty clever.

But I don't understand this line..

You're like a pimple on a dyke while her sister takes pokes,

[JamaicanPattlez]

I liked it, the Khalifa line was good, pretty clever.

But I don't understand this line..

You're like a pimple on a dyke while her sister takes pokes,

I think at the time I was poking at the 'lesbian-incest' type thing lol. I don't even remember tbh. Looking back, I can do better with this piece. Probably gonna drop something solo tonight then work with Nutz, then Geno.