Topless

[RainMan44]

LOF viewtopic.php?f=24&t=133847

Beat http://www.shadowville.com/122151/genre ... i-collapse

This is just a very quick verse I wrote in class. I do not care for it at all really, it took me 15 minutes to write. Just want to drop something though, so here it is


(Verse 1)

You couldn't muster up the last hint of courage in you
To put yourself in the same league as these mean MC's, been through
The battles, I had to prove that I was worthy to spit
And I know that once I hit my mid 30's - that's it!
I ain't stayin' around like these has been clowns who's flame
Is doused, but they just won't get up out the game
It's a shame, seeing them desperately tryna recapture that old magic
It's so sad it's, hard watchin' them not being able to grasp it
The fact is they lost it, and everything they puttin' out is garbage
And the hardest part is you used to be a fan yourself, you start ta
Feel sorry for 'em, knowin' you can put it down better than 'em now
Your flow sound wetter, wonder when they step-pin' down?
I got a profound love, for this, your whole sound sucks
I came to shake the game from the whole ground up
The purpose is this: Bein' the absolute meanest & truest,
A fiend for the music, my girl is always seen like my roof is


(Chorus)
*Top-Less!*
Rollin' through the city, *Top-Less!*
If I want it I'ma go ahead and cop it!
If I'm releasin' music then best believe it's hot shit
Lock myself in the lab and don't come out until I drop hits!

[Mr.DGAF]

I'm liking this bruh. Since you said you wrote it quick, I won't bash some parts which had a pretty good idea, but was executed just a bit hastily. The first two lines were meh for me, but after that it picked up quite nicely. The last bar was easily my favorite part, the way you phrased it was really nice. The flow was certainly pretty nice, for the most part (excluding the first bar, which I already said I didn't really like too much). The multies were cool dude, I read this about three times to fully get each one because you peppered a lot in there.

Good ish bruh.

[RainMan44]

I'm liking this bruh. Since you said you wrote it quick, I won't bash some parts which had a pretty good idea, but was executed just a bit hastily. The first two lines were meh for me, but after that it picked up quite nicely. The last bar was easily my favorite part, the way you phrased it was really nice. The flow was certainly pretty nice, for the most part (excluding the first bar, which I already said I didn't really like too much). The multies were cool dude, I read this about three times to fully get each one because you peppered a lot in there.

Good ish bruh.

Thank you for the feed man Btw I just added a chorus and beat to it real quick, chorus took me like 2 minutes.
Shoot me a link if you'd like and I'll return the favor

[Ka0t1c]

cool, man keep writing good lyrics, your head's in the right place, stay real.

[Mr.DGAF]

I like the hook man, I can't check the beat right now, but I will when I get home later. And here's my latest work, you can feed if you wanna haha. But be warned, it's some crazy stuff. http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=134619

[RainMan44]

@Ka0t1c thank u, i appreciate that

Mr.DGAF i'ma check it out right now

[Sam.]

Call it a coincidence or fate, but I was just listening to Topless awhile ago. So..it's coll to see your Version too.

To me this verse seemed as if it was a blend of 3-4 Eminem Songs like "Soldier", "I Remember" & "Say Goodbye To Hollywood". I know that sounds crazy but that's the reality, it gave me that Vibe.

For a 15 Minute Verse this is OKAY, it cannot be considered as a throwaway verse IMO. The rhyming was a little rushed and some of the Multis were not just working, I guess you didn't pay that much attention to that, so that fine as of now. Good job man, keep at it.