Lonely

[Willy]

I'm playing with the fire at a candlelight symphony/
tear drops of hope splash upon my misery/
feeling the epitome of blistering winds of disbelief/
wishing Mrs. serendipity would give a minute to visit me/
arm wrestle with the hands of time until he answers why/
the darkness always sparks the blight, another passer by/
dances while I sit and hope for a miss to hold/
listen close to my woes as they hold my soul/
grasp it tight as i try to walk away alone/
another day of sun is wasted as i wish for stars to gaze/
this labyrinth i'm trapped within is masked with sin/
i hold the veil and know it well as it clouds my life/
look into the mirror and realize that now its time/

Okay guys, was definitely going for a more poetic feel on this one.

Here's the instrumental I used: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXy5_ato5BY

Tell me what you guys think

LOF viewtopic.php?f=24&t=135601

that one dude wasn't fuckin' around last time

[SliK]

Tell me what you guys think

LOF viewtopic.php?f=24&t=135601

that one dude wasn't fuckin' around last time

Good drop dude, you definitely gave off a poetic feel with this piece. The rhyming was good, not great, but good enough to make for a nice flow. Obviously this was a piece that wasn't just written for the fuck of it, it has content, a purpose, a message. That's a real good thing. I enjoyed it bro, I hope you post more writtens in the future.

[Sam.]

I told you to add that link, did you listen? No.


Feedback:
You mocked Poetry the other day and now you end up doing the same; well almost. If this is a poetic approach as you state in your 1st post, then it's very good and the Multis can be ignored. But....if this is meant to be poetic Rap piece then you must use atleast 2 Syllable Rhyming or even more.Liked the content too.

[Spyder]

course i wasnt fuckin around

anyway. i liked it man, nice emotion and some clever lines.

my fav:
arm wrestle the hands of time til he answers why - not sure if HE, is father time

try to refrain from random things as fillers.
other than that would like to see longer pieces from you.
drop more often

and always have a link of feed, of actually feed not just 3 words to get a link to post