Bound To Be Fibs!

[CrashBand]

Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=144115
Beat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_yTZcXK ... re=related

Okay so a storytelling track here.

The idea is that I am telling you about this chick in a (hopefully ) funny and clever way. But then sorta call myself out by saying how it seems exaggerated as fuck.

So yeah, this actually happened lol....
....or did it

I'll tell you bout this girl, made her sleep on the spare bed
Never date in public, well at least while her hairs red
But she couldn't care less, she claimed to love me
It's pretty much perfect it's a shame she's ugly
It's a proper disaster cos the longer I lasted
I would never get her off so she probably acted
So I made her suck my dick but she vomited after
Then she asked me for a second date. You wanna be laughed at?

"But Cameron I'm hot, This doesn't happen a lot"
Bitch have you forgot that you yacked on my cock!
I'll never text you back!... Believe it or not
I spent the whole fucking weekend just cleaning my jocks
So please will you stop I'll never call you again
Things could've worked out but you're a four out of ten
She looked at me with such disgust, its funny
Don't turn the other cheek bitch, its just as ugly

But she must still love me cos I'll fuck her tomorrow
For one final time. Just don't give me oral!
So that's my love life, thought I'd let you know it. Jesus!
That girl really did that! But you won't believe it!
So doubters who think that its bound to be fibs
She will tell you the same, except for "how it was shit"
She didn't like it? that's what you reckon?
Fuck that I'm betting I could get her back in a second

On her back and then begging for me and more of my dick
With that dumbfounded look that I saw in most chicks
I come across mean? Of course I know this!
C'mon you thought I was nice, before I wrote this
So the more I focus on tryna steam my thoughts out
The more people think I've just been deceiving them now
And their teaching me how to not be a son of a bitch
But the more I exaggerate.. then the funner it gets

[overgrown]

enjoyed the piece. clever. easy read. kept me interested. no filler. ending was good imo. i like ones that kinda flip it on u and make u wonder. sad though. the worlds a lonely place. i hope u teach your daughter better.

[SliK]

Haha this was great. A girl threw up on my dick once too, it feels aright tbh.

[Spyder]

dont really like the topic matter but u understand multies and flow. really just try to increase the vocab
and use it in your rhymes. would like to see maybe a more serious topic from you but deff stay at it man

[CrashBand]

cheers man. Yeah I feel my vocab is my biggest let down, tryna improve it in my pieces.

if content was the main detraction, here's a more serious peice,
only if you have the time of course

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=143883

[Ka0t1c]

awesome but this and this don't rhyme well:

So the more I focus on steaming all my thoughts out
The more people think I've just been deceiving them now

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

HAHAHA loved reading that man. great story telling and awesome use of multis! keep it up dude~!

[Mr.DGAF]

I like this, you told the story pretty well. Sometimes the multies were kinda weak but most times they were good. Flows solid, its tecnically a good piece. The story was kinda wacky, but I like you doing some different shit. Seems like the pieces I've read from you have been about some chicks, crazy ones at that haha. Maybe branch out a bit farther, but other than that, good stuff.

[CrashBand]

Cheers guys.

@DGAF, yeah I am still relatively new to writing so I will start expanding my content, vocab and improving in general.

@kaotic. cheers man I edited it. not sure what I was reading there lmao

[Strictt Ame]

I enjoyed it, good read, had some good humor and the imagery was easy to see..well told, very little filler

On her back and then begging for me and more of my dick
With that dumbfounded look that I saw in most chicks
I come across mean? Of course I know this!
C'mon you thought I was nice, before I wrote this

^^That was sick, I like the metaphor at the end, gave it the feeling of a punch a little bit

Well done man, keep it up!!

[CrashBand]

^thanks heaps man. appreciate that from a good writer like yourself

[_Steven_]

the flow was really good man, and the story telling was brilliant and funny written, making light of a serious topic is awesome, that turn the other cheek metaphor was dope as fuck haha i chuckled.

keep it up bro, i enjoy your writing style

[momentsgolden]

i think the story was good and actually made me chuckle. I will say i prefer the way you use conversation in your second and third paragraphs which makes it clearer and enables you to say your lines with less build-up. In contrast, i found the first and last verse more abstract.

[CrashBand]

cheers guys

How so more abstract?