Girls...

[Arabian Shady]

On my phone so...

Link to feedback : viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146288&p=1927297#p1927297

here a lil sumn I wrote on my phone a lil while back... Going through a rough patch with my gf...
Let's gooooooooo!

While ur investing in a friendship tryina get a friend who gets it
She turns around and says things that have left you standing naked
If she left you n never told you, you'd call everyone that knows her- just cuz u wana know
But If you did the same just to her, she  give up on you like a loser- says she doesn't wana know 
Now ur pacin and minds racin thinking "that's been my homie for a year"
She tells you that she cares but your not even worth her tears
So you treat her like you'd wish to be treated, how deep a wish is this
Cause when you confront her she just asks YOU, why is SHE the way she is..
I am not Sad or upset,  cause she hasn't told me something she hasn't said
I'm tryina blame insomnia and exhaustion for all these thoughts up in my head...
Accidental conversation, I say that cause the wounds Inflicted playbak like a reel
A pharmacist can't do nuthing cause even injuries need time to heal, wounds just need to breathe... 


I'm postin just for the sake of keepin this tradition going, lol I used to love coming here
lemme know if y'all like it

[Mr.DGAF]

First of all, cool to see an old poster still writing haha. For the piece, I liked this. This line stuck out:

So you treat her like you wish to be treated, how deep a wish is this
Cause when you confront her she just asks YOU, why she is the way she is

Lots of lines in here are really nice man. But I liked this one the most. Chicks are fickle haha. But yeah dude, I got the flow first try. The end rhymes were pretty simple in terms of syllables, but I actually saw a decent amount of inner rhymes. But with the rhymes I don't even really care for this piece, I liked a lot of the ways you worded this. The part about how if you left she'd give up on you like a loser hit home man, kinda had the same shit happen to me once.

[Tarabulus]

I like the sincerity and authenticity, but it's kind of hard to flow, and you really need to work on that rhyme scheme and multis. keep it up!

[Arabian Shady]

First of all, cool to see an old poster still writing haha. For the piece, I liked this. This line stuck out:

So you treat her like you wish to be treated, how deep a wish is this
Cause when you confront her she just asks YOU, why she is the way she is

Lots of lines in here are really nice man. But I liked this one the most. Chicks are fickle haha. But yeah dude, I got the flow first try. The end rhymes were pretty simple in terms of syllables, but I actually saw a decent amount of inner rhymes. But with the rhymes I don't even really care for this piece, I liked a lot of the ways you worded this. The part about how if you left she'd give up on you like a loser hit home man, kinda had the same shit happen to me once.

haha, Thanks bud. I appreciate the feedback.
The idea was never to do it properly to make a verse out of it lol If u see it doesnt follow any of the normal patterns of a 16 BUT it was there just to vent, SOmetimes a dude needs that - and im sure u know that haha

I like the sincerity and authenticity, but it's kind of hard to flow, and you really need to work on that rhyme scheme and multis. keep it up!

Thank u kind sir for your feedback

[Arabian Shady]

Glad to see you writing (again?). Didn't know you wrote before, I don't recall any pieces.

Anyways, this is nice! Good emotional subject with some quotable lines like the one DGAF pointed out. The flow was good but admittedly it tripped me up on the last line because of the length of the line. I loved the first line, it had a very smooth sound. It's fun to rap.

Keep dropping man.

Haha. I used to post WAAAAAYYYY back. Like back in '07..'08..'09 lol

Here are some for you to check out:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=83467&hilit=Arabian+Shady
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=68422&hilit=Arabian+Shady
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=48464&p=627645&hilit=Arabian+Shady#p627645

Lmao the fact that i had to search my own shit makes me realise how long its been
If u read some of my shit, ive allways had an issue writing structure or using too many multies or makin pieces complex. For the most , everytime ive written ive tried to convey emotions lol In my head if I can do that Ive done a good verse haha

Much love on the feedback.

[Arabian Shady]

haha word man. Im tryina to get back in the groove. Full time job and the MBA make it hella diffiuclt tho...
Much love for checkin it out

[Arabian Shady]

Haha, youre kind to leave feedback sir. Appreciate the time u took out to peep! Much love and respect