Infinite beat

[gtrevwilson]

I wrote this over eminem's song Infinite, not great but some feedback would be good.



See me from your point of view
Dull and blurry and from the looks of it you need some glasses too
Cuz all I am trying to do is get through life with out all of your attitude
Why not add another dude and add another person without a clue
Of who I really am, but I aint gonna be showing no gratitude
I don’t know how I do it, but I guess I have a greater aptitude
For taking shit and all these factors too
That I am different than you and all of your crew
Look at what you used to put me through
Ever since my elementary, these stereotypes and insults were all complimentary
No stereo needed these play backs were just meant for me
And I used to think this was just all part of my identity
As I take this shit trying to keep my serenity
From all you fuckers trying to get to me
this aint how it’s meant to be, you fake friend I see
As I end and label you as a enema enemy
Take an antenna up your ass on senna which was sent from me
Talking shit about me always so easily

Chorus

Don’t try to define me before you find me
Find out who I really am before you bind me
To this rope you have and confine me
I am not fine you see? Talking to you, the person so blindly
Yet I still treat you so kindly so kind I am but keep in mind
I just fake it and grind my teeth

[gtrevwilson]

How do i do that?

[gtrevwilson]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146411

[Wreck]

I wrote this over eminem's song Infinite, not great but some feedback would be good.



See me from your point of view
Dull and blurry and from the looks of it you need some glasses too
Cuz all I am trying to do is get through life with out all of your attitude
Why not add another dude and add another person without a clue
Of who I really am, but I aint gonna be showing no gratitude
I don’t know how I do it, but I guess I have a greater aptitude
For taking shit and all these factors too
That I am different than you and all of your crew
Look at what you used to put me through
Ever since my elementary, these stereotypes and insults were all complimentary
No stereo needed these play backs were just meant for me
And I used to think this was just all part of my identity
As I take this shit trying to keep my serenity
From all you fuckers trying to get to me
this aint how it’s meant to be, you fake friend I see
As I end and label you as a enema enemy
Take an antenna up your ass on senna which was sent from me
Talking shit about me always so easily

Chorus

Don’t try to define me before you find me
Find out who I really am before you bind me
To this rope you have and confine me
I am not fine you see? Talking to you, the person so blindly
Yet I still treat you so kindly so kind I am but keep in mind
I just fake it and grind my teeth

This wasn't bad, parts of it were good, & you treated this like a song, & wrote a chorus for it, which is pretty good, I commend you for that. Overall, I enjoyed the piece . I liked the vocab in this, & towards the end of the verse, it reminded me of part of Royce's verse from Fast Lane. Keep grinding man.

[thedopeman_]

Some good points and some bad points but keep working and you'll get better. Practise makes perfect

[Sam.]

Post a link of feedback or this is locked.

Where the fuck is Spyder when you need him?

@OP:

Work on the basics, son. This was very very average. Practice poetry(I've said this a million times before).

[Just Silver]

i could see a 90s type flow but some lines carried on too much

"Cuz all I am trying to do is get through life with out all of your attitude"
this was the first time i saw that it was a lil long but its all good to sum it up i like that it was on the Infinite beat and overall wasnt too bad

[Spyder]

ima keep this open but make sure your feed is more than a line saying you like it

the idea behind this rule is so that people get in-depth feed on their drops instead of just the old members or
old names