Darth Vader

[Kill You]

STDs are like Pokémon - you gotta catch 'em all! (I'm not sure if someone said that before or not lol)
And bitches are like dogs because they gotta fetch the ball
I sketch and draw a fucked up picture that I forget to wall
Don't want shit to pop off just because I missed a call
You're pissed, so back off before I my gun gets sick and coughs
Now I'm pissed off like R. Kelly taking his scandal back
You handle nat just like sandals clap and candles wax
I'm Beowulf and I just stole Grendel's hat
So I send Gollum a fax that says "riddle me that"
Shawty come sit on my lap and tell Santa what you what for Christmas
You want me to spit you a rap about Fanta but I only got this dick, bitch
Shit, I'm so good I don't need to take my time
To make a rhyme or forsake my life
Crafting line after line just to snort that shit
Extort that bitch before I forward my dick
To her phone just to prove I was big
And I keep digging deeper and deeper into my mind to see if I find a Dinosaur
Or a minotaur, that shit never existed like unicorn
And now she's looking at unic porn while call her a loony whore
I don't spoon, I fork so shut up and give me some poon, you sore
I wish like hell that I could be the good guy
Should I feel sympathy for a girl who lies, how could I?
I would rather die, come back from the dead 'cause some boys in a cult bled
Be trapped in the casket then die again from poisonous-soaked lead
My life is a tragedy like I'm following Anakin's, it's sad to see me hollow like a manikin
I'll cut you down 'cause I'm maddening from sorrow's hand again
Your man's a bitch and I'll choke him like Darth Vader's Force grip
The type of guy that'll force chicks to fuck inside of elevator's and on fork lifts
And you can't stop these bars like a shitty Drake song will top the charts
So now I'm here to sing you a lullaby
So don't you cry, Shorty, just go skull a guy
While I roll like I'm high from mollies, oh, what a surprise



This one is one from today. I like it. Hope you all do too.

Edit: Here's your link then viewtopic.php?f=24&t=153001

[Kill You]

Dude, link of feed

I have to do that for every post? I already did it for my first. Edited the OP of that thread.

[Kill You]

Dude, link of feed

I have to do that for every post? I already did it for my first. Edited the OP of that thread.

Do you want any feedback?

Then yes, you do.

EVERY post.

Yeah I just didn't realize it had to be every post. Thought it only had to be my first. I was confused, my bad. Will you unlock my threads so I can put a feedback in them?

I really want feedback, especially on the Snug Jackets one.

[Kill You]

I'll unlock them all if you make sure all your links of feedback lead to different threads.

All of them are different except two of them, I'll change that now.

Now that I've finally followed the rules...feedback? I know you're a veteran writer and all so I would like your input.

[PAINKILLƎR]

I really liked this, I lost the flow a bit though, you should work on your structure. It sounds like you've done this before, you got some dope multi's in there too.

I would rather die, come back from the dead 'cause some boys in a cult bled
Be trapped in the casket then die again from poisonous-soaked lead

great lines bruh.

[Kill You]

I really liked this, I lost the flow a bit though, you should work on your structure. It sounds like you've done this before, you got some dope multi's in there too.

I would rather die, come back from the dead 'cause some boys in a cult bled
Be trapped in the casket then die again from poisonous-soaked lead

great lines bruh.

Yeah I agree that my structure needs some work but I think I'm getting better about it. Thanks though I appreciate it a lot.

[Kill You]

Well maybe I could start writing to random YouTube beats or some shit. It would probably help the flow and structure a WHOLE lot.

I just started getting back into writing. I used to write raps back in 2010 but I sucked ass back then. I rhyme far better today than I did back then lol. I had really simple rhyming back then but focused a lot of emotional shit. Now it's not so much lol. But I'll sprinkle some serious in my verses as you can see.

[Kill You]

HAIL DARK LORD VADER! #HDLV

Had to do it

That's "gun might get sick and cough" line seems like it was literally bitten from Proof's verse on Pistol Pistol lol.

Structure definitely needs work, writing to a beat helps, and as you get more experienced you can write acapella with good structure (like I can ). The rhyming is pretty awesome though, you've definitely developed your style from Eminem like most of us.

PS: I've used that Dinosaur/minotaur rhyme before, a long time ago, before I started posting here. Asshole.

I forgot about that Proof verse in all honesty lol. It's not the same though but it is quite similar, yeah.

Yeah I agree on structure, I've been working on that a whole lot. My friends irl think that they're dope I just need to work on flow a little bit. I tend to flow like Eminem when rapping these lyrics lol.

Did not know you used the rhyme before, my bad.

Thanks for the input though, it's really appreciated. Definitely taking what you said into consideration.

[Just Silver]

I like the flow of the piece and the intro about the STD line lol

again an odd future type piece well thats how i pictured it especially eith R.Kelly mentioned

structure is odd but i could deal with it easily i like it in a weird way