Four Loko

[Just Silver]

Feed- Kathy First Verse In While*plz copy n paste

Drank another fruit punch as if i give two fucks
My dealers mad at me cause i didnt buy two blunts
And why cause i woke his ass up a noon
He was still snoozin nothin on his to do list
And hes pissed? just cause another dealer exists
Thinkin legit ,when he says five minutes its like i flip
Its like i swear he doesnt know what time it is
Im dry as shit, im trying to pick up but guess what
My other dealers always here i dont gotta dress up
And go to the next fuss this fuck tries to bring much
Of , Bitching and thats the thing i wanted missing
Picturing perfect word schemes mind tranquility
So now everythings a little more than it seems to be
Drunk energy combined with dope chemistry
Of dope burn infinitely spinning it with spit synergy
Blurring with a flury kick colder frost bold n lost
In my mind lose a line fishing form prime
Porcupine points across passing joints across
Look your loss my win like randy moss
Candy floss disgusting rushing in with cans of sauce
Assault and all con"cuss"ing concussion these abundantly
Enemies are in front of me flip like piss on comforting
Comforters come to burn in axis so pass this
I smoke but its a paste tense now we roll it like a Saturn
But whips i like modern to havem its all elaborate
You cant match it so feed and quit the yappin whats happenin'

[Just Silver]

bump ..

[Slim Fiasco]

This was real nice man, I loved the rhyming. I can't really give you any advices because it's just matter of personal preferences. Like, I usually change the end rhymes on every 2 bars and I tend to avoid lines that continue into the next one, like how you did here:

And go to the next fuss this fuck tries to bring much
Of , Bitching and thats the thing i wanted missing

I also liked that you stick to the concept and overall idea pretty well. So I don't know, maybe you can try experimenting with different concepts and song ideas, like go real left, or maybe you try more of a wordplay/metaphorical approach. Like, try to use more extended metaphors or something, double entendres and stuff.

[Just Silver]

thanks for the feed guy and ya i was drunk when i wrote this so the flow may be a tad of or rhyme scheme but its mainly a part of my "drug influenced" pieces which is weird to look back on