The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.
Board index ‹ Creative Central ‹ Creative Writing ‹ Must Be

Must Be

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.
Post a reply

Must Be

Postby Mr Change » Apr 30th, '13, 18:59

I'm skill flexin' while pill messin' and chin checkin'
People who don't know what it's like to feel weapons
To feel sweat in their palms is like testi-cle(kill) testin'
Blessed to kill, heck I'm destruction in a human build
Killin' everything you love and using them as a stupid shield
I'm wheelin' in and out of hip-hop when I please
As if I had just won the jack pot lottery
There's no stoppin' me, I won't halt 'til I top the lot
Of crap that's mixed up in this mainstream pot of pop
Whether your down or not, my flow raises your cock
I'm sorta like Cheddar Bob on rocks, but that don't knock
My skills when it's real and the heat is too in your face to not feel
The flame is enough to kill, and you know that it will
Given enough time I can rhyme myself out of a locked automobile
I'm made of solid steel, so much that Superman couldn't budge me
Don't judge me unless your name is Judy, case closed, adjust, B
Slug me and I'll come back with enough force to make you bloody
Don't try and thug me, I supply the drug, see
Discount me all that you want, but I'm too good, I must be

First time I've actually wrote anything in a long time, thinking about doing it more often now :8)
Any criticism or tips on how to make my rhyming flow more smoothly?
PS: Just judge the rhyming aspect of it, it isn't meant to make total sense

Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=156955
Last edited by Mr Change on Apr 30th, '13, 19:27, edited 1 time in total.
Image
jinofthewind wrote:And Koolo's sources said... Nothing you idiots Koolo's sources are dead they're locked in my basement

"Soon as I stopped saying I gave a fuck
Haters started to appreciate my art
And it just breaks my heart to look at all the pain I caused
But what am I gonna do when the rage is gone?
And the lights go out in that trailer park?"
User avatar
Mr Change
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4397
Joined: Jun 16th, '11, 03:21
Gender: Male
Top

Re: Must Be

Postby EmTV » Apr 30th, '13, 19:20

Rhyming was on-par, flow was nice, my question is:

What the hell are you talking about? And I don't mean to offend or come off as a dick when I ask that. A lot of the verse is just rhyming and it doesn't really make sense. I write a lot (given I've only ever posted one thing on TR) and I notice a lot of times I just ramble and I'm not really making coherent thoughts that flow together or really mean anything. Try to stay away from that unless you're just trying to rhyme your ass off.

On a second read, it makes a bit more sense, but still.

keep writing :y:
Image
Wake up call, wake up call.
My answer to every question was "Fuck Y'all!"
User avatar
EmTV
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 389
Joined: Jul 25th, '12, 05:34
Location: FLORIDA
Gender: Male
Top

Re: Must Be

Postby Mr Change » Apr 30th, '13, 19:27

EmTV wrote:Rhyming was on-par, flow was nice, my question is:

What the hell are you talking about? And I don't mean to offend or come off as a dick when I ask that. A lot of the verse is just rhyming and it doesn't really make sense. I write a lot (given I've only ever posted one thing on TR) and I notice a lot of times I just ramble and I'm not really making coherent thoughts that flow together or really mean anything. Try to stay away from that unless you're just trying to rhyme your ass off.

On a second read, it makes a bit more sense, but still.

keep writing :y:


Oh no like I said it's the first thing I've wrote in a very long time, it was just practice for rhyming lol
Image
jinofthewind wrote:And Koolo's sources said... Nothing you idiots Koolo's sources are dead they're locked in my basement

"Soon as I stopped saying I gave a fuck
Haters started to appreciate my art
And it just breaks my heart to look at all the pain I caused
But what am I gonna do when the rage is gone?
And the lights go out in that trailer park?"
User avatar
Mr Change
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4397
Joined: Jun 16th, '11, 03:21
Gender: Male
Top

Re: Must Be

Postby EmTV » Apr 30th, '13, 19:28

GoinThruChanges wrote:
EmTV wrote:Rhyming was on-par, flow was nice, my question is:

What the hell are you talking about? And I don't mean to offend or come off as a dick when I ask that. A lot of the verse is just rhyming and it doesn't really make sense. I write a lot (given I've only ever posted one thing on TR) and I notice a lot of times I just ramble and I'm not really making coherent thoughts that flow together or really mean anything. Try to stay away from that unless you're just trying to rhyme your ass off.

On a second read, it makes a bit more sense, but still.

keep writing :y:


Oh no like I said it's the first thing I've wrote in a very long time, it was just practice for rhyming lol

Yeah, I kinda figured. Rhyme-wise it was pretty nice.
Image
Wake up call, wake up call.
My answer to every question was "Fuck Y'all!"
User avatar
EmTV
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 389
Joined: Jul 25th, '12, 05:34
Location: FLORIDA
Gender: Male
Top

Re: Must Be

Postby Mr Change » Apr 30th, '13, 19:28

EmTV wrote:
GoinThruChanges wrote:
EmTV wrote:Rhyming was on-par, flow was nice, my question is:

What the hell are you talking about? And I don't mean to offend or come off as a dick when I ask that. A lot of the verse is just rhyming and it doesn't really make sense. I write a lot (given I've only ever posted one thing on TR) and I notice a lot of times I just ramble and I'm not really making coherent thoughts that flow together or really mean anything. Try to stay away from that unless you're just trying to rhyme your ass off.

On a second read, it makes a bit more sense, but still.

keep writing :y:


Oh no like I said it's the first thing I've wrote in a very long time, it was just practice for rhyming lol

Yeah, I kinda figured. Rhyme-wise it was pretty nice.


Thanks :happy:
Image
jinofthewind wrote:And Koolo's sources said... Nothing you idiots Koolo's sources are dead they're locked in my basement

"Soon as I stopped saying I gave a fuck
Haters started to appreciate my art
And it just breaks my heart to look at all the pain I caused
But what am I gonna do when the rage is gone?
And the lights go out in that trailer park?"
User avatar
Mr Change
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4397
Joined: Jun 16th, '11, 03:21
Gender: Male
Top

Re: Must Be

Postby Francesco » May 2nd, '13, 16:18

I couldn't pick up flow of it but the rhyming was nice. :y:
User avatar
Francesco
Genius
Genius
 
Posts: 10853
Joined: Sep 30th, '05, 01:00
Location: Brooklyn NY
Gender: Male
Top

Re: Must Be

Postby Mr Change » May 3rd, '13, 02:03

Francesco wrote:I couldn't pick up flow of it but the rhyming was nice. :y:


Thanks. Yeah I definitely need to get better at making it flow together.
Image
jinofthewind wrote:And Koolo's sources said... Nothing you idiots Koolo's sources are dead they're locked in my basement

"Soon as I stopped saying I gave a fuck
Haters started to appreciate my art
And it just breaks my heart to look at all the pain I caused
But what am I gonna do when the rage is gone?
And the lights go out in that trailer park?"
User avatar
Mr Change
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4397
Joined: Jun 16th, '11, 03:21
Gender: Male
Top

Re: Must Be

Postby Francesco » May 3rd, '13, 12:26

GoinThruChanges wrote:
Francesco wrote:I couldn't pick up flow of it but the rhyming was nice. :y:


Thanks. Yeah I definitely need to get better at making it flow together.


Anytime...
User avatar
Francesco
Genius
Genius
 
Posts: 10853
Joined: Sep 30th, '05, 01:00
Location: Brooklyn NY
Gender: Male
Top
Post a reply

Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

Designed by Zoom dinosaurs
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group