Wrongly Accused (Freestyle)

[Snakebeast]

Feedback: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=156632

Instrumental: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXUUvDRRi5Y

So, one day, I decided to walk down the sidewalk
Saw a nice girl, stopped to talk to the white broad
Her shirt showed a lot off, so I laughed and said “nice bra”
She suddenly kicked me in the balls, then called the bike cops

And yelled that I was going to use drugs to rape her
So I did what any dude would do: I pulled a used razor
Faced her and razed her in the face till her face hurt
Slit her throat before the neighbors could save her

Then, all of the sudden, cops were running at me,
Well, obviously, I wasn't looking for a rap sheet
So, immediately, I took one look then I booked it;
They were looking to punch my eye till it was crooked

Assholes, I’m not a rapist; that was assault and murder
You should have faced us right after you all heard her
Anyways, the cops did exactly what I always feared
They caught me; and that’s the true story of how I got here

[Halftongue Dre]

hahaha pretty funny bro. I liked the "bike cops" line. This is all shits n giggles but maybe you should try and write about real stuff. Maybe things ou have struggled with and overcame. Maybe something that inspires. That's what I've seen so far from most writers on here is that we talk about senseless nonsense. We should get more serious and make a message with meaning in our lyrics. But do what you want man I would jut like to read something that you put emotion into and is authentic you know. Word my brotha

[Snakebeast]

Thanks for the feedback, bro. The problem with "my struggles" is that there really aren't that many of them. I consider myself a fairly privileged individual who was raised by fantastic parents whom I love very much. I go to a good school (hence why I try my best to use proper grammar, even when writing rap). Due to that, most of the things I've written are meant to be comedic, freestyle-ish, or have a storytelling element to them (like this, right here). I've started writing some stuff that are "meaningful" type songs, but they mostly address world issues (shootings, violence, marijuana, religion)

[Halftongue Dre]

Thats cool man. I respect that. Whenever you got time throw some stuff down. Even if its only a few bars. I like to feed off what other people write. The problem is that people on here have lives and can't write as often as I would like them to haha. But good stuff man get your ideas out n hone the craft. You'll be surprised what you can produce. And on a side note you should ask your Doc for a vyvanse prescription the stuff is amazing when it kicks in. Helps you focus and write way much better.

[Francesco]

I generally liked it but I think you should try to sharpen your rhymes a little bit & to focus on the subjects 'cuz it kinda feels you go all over the place.
Good one anyway!

[Snakebeast]

Thanks for the feedback Geno :3 The beat is pretty awesome. More people should use it imo.

@Francesco I'm not really sure what you mean by sharpen my rhyming ._.

Though I do get what you mean with the subject focus. I deviated from the story a bit for rhyming purposes. I definitely could've gotten into more detail.

Thanks for the feedback dude :3

[Atone]

And yelled that I was going to use drugs to rape her
So I did what any dude would do: I pulled a used razor
Faced her and razed her in the face till her face hurt
Slit her throat before the neighbors could save her

Thats my favorite part, reminded me of slim shady lp era type stuff,

the rest of it, meh, it was good, i know it was meant to be funny so i don't expect a lyrical masterpiece, would love to see more from ya tho

[Francesco]

@Francesco I'm not really sure what you mean by sharpen my rhyming ._.
Though I do get what you mean with the subject focus. I deviated from the story a bit for rhyming purposes. I definitely could've gotten into more detail.
Thanks for the feedback dude :3

I tried to rhyme while reading your lyrics & at some point I thought rhymes were slipping & weren't completely fitting to the flow & to each other. I didn't mean it was bad of course... I just meant try to make your rhymes match better. It might be just me though... that's how I saw it while I was rhyming! Like I said it was nice overall!

No problems about the feedback... Anytime!

[Snakebeast]

@Francesco I'm not really sure what you mean by sharpen my rhyming ._.
Though I do get what you mean with the subject focus. I deviated from the story a bit for rhyming purposes. I definitely could've gotten into more detail.
Thanks for the feedback dude :3

I tried to rhyme while reading your lyrics & at some point I thought rhymes were slipping & weren't completely fitting to the flow & to each other. I didn't mean it was bad of course... I just meant try to make your rhymes match better. It might be just me though... that's how I saw it while I was rhyming! Like I said it was nice overall!

No problems about the feedback... Anytime!

Yeah, I get where you're coming from. I tried to litter hard-to-see rhymes all over the place to make it easier to write the story. Then I started fucking up the flow with too many rhymes. Thanks dude, I'll improve for next time :3

[IBasicallyRage]

LOL Loved it bro. That bike cop reference You're great! I wish to see more from you (:

[Snakebeast]

Thanks for the feedback, guys ^_^ I appreciate it.