just something short i did...

[Flamez]

Busting out tha front door with my soldiers rollin' holdin' 44/
no reload infinte ammo determind focused ready for nuclear war/
hardcore soldiers leavin' enemies dead layin' on tha bloody floor/
lord please i beg protect my soldiers that i desperatly need/
tha fallen ones that are gone rest in peace never missed/
gonna keep fighting till the end thru these dark halls/
angry outside me crying tears inside me recievin' death calls/
my soldiers shot dying droppin' right in front me like raindrops fallin'/
angels callin' me from up above feels like i'm a die hear death callin'/
please give me the strentgh and support thats needed to continue to fight on/
send blessings upon me shield protect me starting from the light of dawn/
seeing visions of the tragic past to the present future where i'm eatin' them pawns/
like the game of chess checkmatin' this battle thats being won instantly ya'll gone/

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

pretty good yah need to work on your rythming like you say the word you goni use at the end ( to rythm) in the line before you use it lol but overall pretty good

[katastrophe]

its good but im gonna critique it on your rhymes to tell u what i think u should have. this is how i interperate it so it could be just me who thinks this

Busting out tha front door with my soldiers rollin' holdin' 44/
no reload infinte ammo determind focused ready for nuclear war/
hardcore soldiers leavin' enemies dead layin' on tha bloody floor/
(a line should go here with the end rhyming with "floor")
lord please i beg protect my soldiers that i desperatly need/
(a line should go here with the end rhyming with "need")
tha fallen ones that are gone rest in peace never missed/
(a line should go here with the end rhyming with "missed")
gonna keep fighting till the end thru these dark halls/
angry outside me crying tears inside me recievin' death calls/
my soldiers shot dying droppin' right in front me like raindrops fallin'/
angels callin' me from up above feels like i'm a die hear death callin'/
please give me the strentgh and support thats needed to continue to fight on/
send blessings upon me shield protect me starting from the light of dawn/
seeing visions of the tragic past to the present future where i'm eatin' them pawns/
like the game of chess checkmatin' this battle thats being won instantly ya'll gone/

but overall homie that was really good. i really liked it. cant wait to see(maybe hear) more

[Flamez]

thanx for the feedback...and yea i think i shoulda rhymed those words lol...