Something i wrote

[Kez]

My shit has staying power, it can still entice
Lingers like a fart, yours is an SBD like Vanilla Ice!
Punch you in the face till your Uncle's bluest with rage
Tries to hit me with a book, cuts his thumb through in the page
So now he's a pissed guy with a paper cut
Advances on me acting like the craziest fuck
So i pick up a manhole cover and beat this man, no other
Would come near me, but this one is "special" (I can SO hover!)
You'd be lucky to get one mic in the source
That's low even for you, even they can see your rhymes're a bore
Hit you with a house brick, now how thick
Do you gotta be to not know that you gotta duck down, dick!
If you ask me you should never rap again
You make the wackest men look like the Wu-Tang is them!
You're the rap equivalent of a suicide bomber
Killing us all slowly, and full of unified honour!

[ShadyGD26]

it was aiight kinda weak cuz it didn't make too much sense
I liked this line:

Hit you with a house brick, now how thick
Do you gotta be to not know that you gotta duck down, dick!

[C-Game]

well kez i like ur multis
as shady said ur meanin is lost in certain places
abt structure :--
( certain area the syllable counts are higher )
try to maintain an approximatley equal syllable count per line
it helps the flow as well