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my fourth rap; Embarrasing government (feedback please)

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my fourth rap; Embarrasing government (feedback please)

Postby runnerup » Dec 24th, '06, 21:35

Confused people don't know what to vote
i used to bleed to make sure freedom of speach was dope
i used to seek the thrill in a pill
it gave me the will to still show skill
and drill my fist into their cheek
now i've grown, learned to chill, i reached a peak
week in and week out, don't have to sneak or shout
beyond doubt it was all about turf, had no knowledge about
these politicians who think they serve the people, it's all about dough
as always, they play this game multiple ways
they hire cheaters and gays just to show there's a new low
red was just below, a couple percent and it would be like a while ago
what they do to get through, it's these brats
they are just as rich as them, they cut the wealth taxes
yeah, first thing they do, they don't think twice, they relaxe
like when they stripped the unemployment benefit fund
no wonder politicians get gunned and when it happens they'r stunned

edit,, some info wrote this in 20min and im not done with it just need some feedback. the text is about the new swedish government.
Last edited by runnerup on Dec 24th, '06, 22:23, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Inzanity » Dec 24th, '06, 21:48

that was nice but work on ur vocab I liked the concept of it though
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Postby C-Game » Dec 25th, '06, 06:54

EmptyPromises wrote:that was nice but work on ur vocab I liked the concept of it though


yea same here

p.s hey empty are u a girl?
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Re: my fourth rap; Embarrasing government (feedback please)

Postby Semper Fidelis » Dec 25th, '06, 15:09

runnerup wrote:Confused people don't know what to vote
i used to bleed to make sure freedom of speach was dope
i used to seek the thrill in a pill
it gave me the will to still show skill
and drill my fist into their cheek
now i've grown, learned to chill, i reached a peak
week in and week out, don't have to sneak or shout
beyond doubt it was all about turf, had no knowledge about
these politicians who think they serve the people, it's all about dough
as always, they play this game multiple ways
they hire cheaters and gays just to show there's a new low
red was just below, a couple percent and it would be like a while ago
what they do to get through, it's these brats
they are just as rich as them, they cut the wealth taxes
yeah, first thing they do, they don't think twice, they relaxe
like when they stripped the unemployment benefit fund
no wonder politicians get gunned and when it happens they'r stunned

edit,, some info wrote this in 20min and im not done with it just need some feedback. the text is about the new swedish government.


First of all i like the subject, and its allot better than the last one. You keep it at one subject and that is a good sign mate.
The scheme is quite right! AA-BB-CC, that is a good one. Maybe you can use more alliteration?
Vocabulair maybe better, i think you rhymed the first word what came up in you!
Message, i think it gets clear what you mean with you lyric.

It looks more prof. than you 3rd rap. Keep up the good work
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Postby ShadyAngel » Dec 25th, '06, 15:43

i really like you ryming :)

its better than your last definately and its catchy.
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only when the power of love overcomes the love of power will the world know peace - jimi hendrix
things without all remedy should be without regard, whats done is done. - william shakespear (Macbeth)
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