check my rhyme out

[muhdkhairool]

My mind is fucked up, my brain is cocked up
Hold your dicks up and shut the hell up
Cos i aint gonna give up on this shit im up to
So you betta get up and just tell me that you've given up
Theres no point holding back cos its just gonna be a set back
You painful bitch, sucking people's blood like a leech
Stop proclaimin that you know everythin
When in reality you dont know a single shit
Stop harassing me and just call it quit

what do ya'll think?

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

pretty simple rythming , just keep practiing

[4D]

The only words rhyming were: quit and shit

The rest was just up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, back, back, bitch, leech,

2 lines ending in "up" is not a rhyme, a rhyme is when two different words sound similar.


You have a good concept, and a topic to write about. You should put a little more imagination and effort into your rhyme, and keep practicing, because that's the only way you'll improve. Keep it up mate!

[C-Game]

The only words rhyming were: quit and shit

The rest was just up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, back, back, bitch, leech,

2 lines ending in "up" is not a rhyme, a rhyme is when two different words sound similar.


You have a good concept, and a topic to write about. You should put a little more imagination and effort into your rhyme, and keep practicing, because that's the only way you'll improve. Keep it up mate!

yea
its ur ffirst post here ehh...just check out some other stuff here and keep on doin wat u do....

ull learn...