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My Faith ...Maybe I'll add more later

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My Faith ...Maybe I'll add more later

Postby SajN » May 17th, '07, 19:23

I have added more on a little text I wrote for a time ago.. the text on this page:
http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?t=28403&highlight=

Here is more including the first..


When I stand, with a mike in my hand
I cant breath, I cant stay on my feet
and all I've eat is a bite of fucking meat.
And the crowd, they're jumping out their seat
They're screaming so loud, expecting so much of me.
My family are so proud, looking at me on TV,
They are from south
I wanna say hello, but nothing cames out from my mouth.
I just stand there, looking out at the crowd
The I turn around want to go off stage,
With my mind full of rage
cuz I cant manage to rap,
Suddenly I hear the audience, Yeah, They want me back.
I thought my songs were crap, but the audience didn't show that.
It showed me that all I said was sensible, the opposite of what I got told by the principal,
Who said I talked shit, and couldn't do anything, cuz I couldn't think-at-all.
When he said that, It felt like everything in my body was going to fall apart,
especially my brain and my heart.
Maybe he was right, I wanted to die, I cried at night, but my mind said that I had to work hard.
Now I am standing here, on this stage,
surrounded by people who care.
Fuck what the principal said, Now I am the one is going to hate.
Fuck Him, I am happy.
The fans gave me back my faith



What U think ?

I am not very good in english so I would appreciate that if u could tell me if I got some english mistakes..

Maybe some word dont look like they rhyme, but when u rap that, it can rhyme:)

And tell also which rhymepart or somehing u liked. :)
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Postby sixersi349 » May 17th, '07, 23:57

the beginning is kinda wack
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Postby SajN » May 18th, '07, 12:53

And by that u mean ?
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Postby Global » May 18th, '07, 12:55

I know that you aint good at english and i respect that :smoking:



That was not that good but not that bad either so its kinda 50/50 for me :sweating:


Pretty nice flow :happy:
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Postby James R. » May 18th, '07, 17:39

Rapping is definitely something that requires a firm grip of the language you're using so I respect that you tried at all. Read around and see how the words are used because the biggest issue was that I don't think you knew how to say what you wanted to say in English. I think once you get a better understanding of the language you'll be able to really write. Good work, keep trying.
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Postby SajN » May 19th, '07, 17:22

Tnx for respecting my english Global and James.
I am tryin to do the both thing ..
learn english and learn to write songs at the same time :)
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