Art.

[Steve Spag]

Wrote this to a beat so you might not get the flow for it. It changes a few times in the verse. Also, I tried something different and in the last 4 bars I mention songs from my label, lol. You'll see if you know my music, lol.

I got no money or no weed so I'm about to lose my mind//
This isn't funny or a dream but you still doubt me, think I'm lyin//
I got a 9 to my head, my finger's right across the trigger//
Any second I'll be breaking and the outcome you can figure//
'Bout to kill myself from all this pressure, there's too much//
And I will not help another person, they're too rough//
I'm just an unsigned artist and I'm trying to sell my prints//
This paper is my canvas and this brush was once my pen//
My topics may be abstract, but mostly it's my life//
And if you're talking like you have rapped, then you would know my type//
I'm pissed off, I've reached the third degree//
You've never heard of an emcee like me, do not speak a word to me//
You Do Not Faze Me, motherfucker This Is Me//
I'm just a Smartass baby, and you know I'm Crazy//
And I Ain't Ever Gonna Change, but forever Never Know//
Because the day I quit rap is the day you'll find my Suicide Note//

[James R.]

Not bad man. The one thing I'd try to work on is the fact that some of your rhymes don't rhyme very well like prints and pen don't really rhyme, unless they rhyme in your accent or something. The other thing is that you should try to keep the same number of syllables rhyming. Like mind and lyin rhyme, sure, but it's not a tight rhyme. Just work on that and it'll take your work to the next level.

[Tash8]

Not bad man. The one thing I'd try to work on is the fact that some of your rhymes don't rhyme very well like prints and pen don't really rhyme, unless they rhyme in your accent or something. The other thing is that you should try to keep the same number of syllables rhyming. Like mind and lyin rhyme, sure, but it's not a tight rhyme. Just work on that and it'll take your work to the next level.

mind and lyin' is a dope rhyme man, it's a slant rhyme, taht will work nicely when he raps it

lose my mind
think i'm lyin

[James R.]

I wouldn't say it's a "dope rhyme" by any stretch. It's a rhyme yes, it could be better though. When you rhyme a 1 syl word with a 2 syl you more or less have to drop one of the syllables. Lyin become line more or less. It works but it sounds slurred or incomplete.

[Steve Spag]

Not bad man. The one thing I'd try to work on is the fact that some of your rhymes don't rhyme very well like prints and pen don't really rhyme, unless they rhyme in your accent or something. The other thing is that you should try to keep the same number of syllables rhyming. Like mind and lyin rhyme, sure, but it's not a tight rhyme. Just work on that and it'll take your work to the next level.

The way I rap it all the rhymes sound good together. I guess it's just the way I rap it. I'm gonna record this one eventually so you'll see how it's gonna sound one way or the other, lol.

But thanks much for the feed guys. Anyone got anything else?

[Tash8]

I wouldn't say it's a "dope rhyme" by any stretch. It's a rhyme yes, it could be better though. When you rhyme a 1 syl word with a 2 syl you more or less have to drop one of the syllables. Lyin become line more or less. It works but it sounds slurred or incomplete.

i know what ur saying, but the way i'm saying it, obiviously with an accent or it woudln't rhyme, sounds pretty cool..

[Steve Spag]

BUMP BUMP.