Jealousy Woes III

[Solace]

The way you treated me, it was too hard to see
mainly cuz im torn up inside, while you denied me
but i tried and got shut out
and i doubt i deserved it so girl what you all about
golddigga looking for some cash
and then youll leave my ass
take my heart, throw it in the trash
give me the bird and then your gone in a flash
so then i got a job and started gettin money
then you came back, it was kinda funny
because now you want me, after all youve done to me
started flying around me just like a freaking bumblebee
but now i got my own girl, one that actually likes me
and shes like me too, shes a pisces
so fuck off, leave me alone
because your nothing but a double crossing ho

EDIT: i redid it...not sure if its better.

whenever i turn around, i can see your face
its filled with a frown, and a hint of disgrace
the way i was treated, it was hard to see
i felt defeated, when you denied me
i tried to be nicer, and then i got shut out
and i doubt i deserved it so what are you all about?
are you really a golddigger, taking my cash
break up with me and throw my heart in the trash
so then i got a better job, started earning more money
then you came back which was in a way kinda funny
started flying around me just like a bumblebee
because now you want me, cause my wallet size is bigger
before you taunted me, your a sick golddigger
but now my heart, its with someone else
you think that im not smart, without brain cells
but i am, more than you are
so fuck off, you golddigging whore.

edit: i just tried to fix up the 2nd one.

Whenever I turn around, I always see your face
usually filled with a frown, plus a hint of disgrace
the way I was treated, it was hard to see
I felt defeated, every single time you denied me
I tried to be kinder, but I just got shut out
and I doubt that I deserved it so what're you all about?
you're just a golddigger, always askin' for cash
then come home, break up, just throw my heart in the trash
so I started to work, started earning a lotta money
then you came back which was kind of funny
kept flying around me just like a freakin' bumblebee
because now you want me, cause my wallet size is bigger
before you taunted me, you're a real golddigger
but now my heart, its with someone else
i got brain cells, I'm not as stupid as before
giving out my money to some stingy ass whore
on the way make sure you dont get hit by the door!

not sure what the 3rd one flows to.

The first one was written while listening to Jealousy Woes II, so it will flow better with that (but it didnt flow that good anyways). The second one was written while listening to Tonite, and i tried to make it flow to Tonite. So dont say it doesnt flow unless you thought of it with the instrumental of Tonite, okay? The main idea is based on Jealousy Woes II, by Eminem, and I have nothing else to name it so I'm just going with Jealousy Woes III.

If you like any lines, quote them in a post. Thanks.

[gladimnotsoluble]

Heh, it's not bad...unfortunately...when comparing the rhymes to eminem's jealousy woes ii...lol Em kind of wins.

[Robbie G]

I thought it was pretty good.

Really reminded me of the the original, I could hear em saying it in my head.

[Solace]

Heh, it's not bad...unfortunately...when comparing the rhymes to eminem's jealousy woes ii...lol Em kind of wins.

Of course. Im no where near that level. And thanks to both of you for checking it out.

[Steve Spag]

Not bad. Some parts were kinda simple, but it was alright. I enjoyed reading it, so keep it up. If you could check out and feed my "Half The Man" I'd really appreciate it too. Let me know what ya' think.

Peace

[Solace]

Thanks for your feedback, and sure ill check it out.

[Solace]

I redid it. Im not sure which is better. You tell me.

[Darkblade44431]

kinda simple rhymes, and looks like all u did on 2nd version was put a few more words like "the" and stuff like that in the lines. sorry,dont like this one,but keep working.

[Solace]

Thanks for your honesty. Ill try harder

[Boston]

personally, i dont see anything special about it, its not catching my attention (im NOT saying its bad) but the rhyming schemes are to plain and simple/boring to me. you should practice on multi's, you get more attention like that, keep it up.

please feed me on my Im Me verse if you can, thank you.

[neversnooze]

it kinda sounds personal between u and ur ex and how she only used u for wut u had anyways this was pretty good in my opinion

[Solace]

Nah it wasn't really for myself/based on myself. I just wrote it while listening to Jealousy Woes II. It got me into the mood for that kinda song. Thanks for the compliment, and for checking it out!