What happened?

[Darkblade44431]

ok, i think the title of this will be "what happened?", i haven't even finished the first verse yet..lol, as usual....but i like it so far, though i dont even know why i'm talking about political shit, anyway, i think i'll switch it up a bit on the next verse. And just so you know, if u wanna test the flow or anything, the beat is "murder ink" by dr.dre off his 2001 album.
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WHAT HAPPENED?
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i'm a cycle blocked,
homicidal thoughts,
my mind has many bots,
it's charged blasphemy watts,
no certain number, only speak of what my mind has caught,
curtains covered over dunkers, what's our blindest taught,
president, when is it, duffer, when your time is shot,
isn't it worth dyin over, oil in iraq, [Sarcastically]
i'm not the only one that wants you kicked out of your spot,
or possibly assassinated, tie us out our knot,
honestly the packs have raided everything we've got,
obama, teach americans to share again, we're not,
as bad as countries say we are, we just need a new plot,

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and that's all i have so far. tell me what you think of it though.

[Darkblade44431]

bump

[Robbie G]

it's not bad but the structure of your lines is a little weird.

obama, teach americans to share again

what does that mean?...

[Darkblade44431]

thanks. and, lol, that means obama will save America and make us not seem as big of dumbasses as we do right now. well, i thought the structure played out quite nicely, lol, if there r any words u don't know, i'll be glad to help, cuz i used a dictionary for some words. but do you mind tellin me what fucked up the structure in your opinion? that could be useful.

[Darkblade44431]

bump. i could use some more feedback please...

[Xray]

deep man...real deep

complex is at a high fucken level man. lyrical as fuck your best piece yet. only line i think doesn't fit is

it's charged blasphemy watts

other than that its great as fuck.

[The Toy Soldier]

Tight This Would Go Great with a "No Apologies" Instrumental

[Darkblade44431]

Thanks guys. However, i would rather keep that line, it goes with the rest of the verse, talking about religion. And, yeh, i like this too, but i like the first verse to my latest untitled song best so far. i'll experiment with beats too, but at the moment, it is still "murder ink" by dr.dre.