should i finish and make it a song?

[Darkblade44431]

ok, well i was writing this just showing how i write on a different forum. and came up with this:
and believe it or not, it does have flow. But does anyone think that i should actually finish this and make it a song?
----------
yo
see the ill collectively rhymed verse, as i intellectually find words/
through minds.. as quick-to-peck-at-me blind birds dont realize their conned spurs/
of attention, dispension of an undiscovered tension/
if you write and have no passion, then what's the point in clenchin/
your fists at others and then you toy with tecks then/
sayin you're the hardest that'll spit, roid rage intentions/
doesn't mean that you're a rapper, i exploit dimensions/
of your mind, sentenced senseless thoughts released intended/

[JMG]

if u want idk

[Darkblade44431]

lol, if that wasn't the most pointless post i've seen all day....no feedback even? you didn't even give me an opinion, you just said if i want to. lmao, can you at least post something productive, btw, not tryin to be an asshole here.

[Emadyville]

I thought the first rhymes were tight, the other rhymes were nice just needed better shit around it t make it feel better as to what you're saying, overall it def should be made into a song cause lyrically it's tight.

[Darkblade44431]

Thanks for the feedback. Ok, i'll think about it.

[Tornado]

lyrically solid.....keep writing it

[Ka0t1c]

i think you should definitely finish this piece but also touch up on the lines you've already wrote so you can blend those rhymes in with it or something like that..

i think your rhyme scheme is a B+

[Greeeeeeg69]

yeah its pretty str8. keep workin on it

[JMG]

nah on the real tho that was pretty good keep praticin and u got somethin kid

[Darkblade44431]

thanks everybody.
i will work on it then.
lol, and my rhyme scheme is a B +, wtf? thanks for the comment anyway.