Can You Imagine? (Paradise)

[Requiem]

Can you imagine a world without struggle?
no pressure, no pain, no dog with a muzzle?
absolute freedom, where everybody's a piece to the puzzle.
is it even possible, to have a world without obstacles?
everybody working, without fear of having jobs to lose.
where if u fall down, someone's there to pick u up,
and if ur in a bind, there's always a way to get unstuck,
an ideal paradise, spend every night in bliss.
Can you imagine a place like this?
Where govt. aint corrupt, so u don't have to worry bout politics,
and everyone's just, so their aint no need for a death sentence,
or where every place is safe, so u don't have to fear for relatives,
and u know where everybody is,
so u not scared if u don't know where ur sister is,
A place where everything's free, no more house payments,
and the air's clean, and their aint no need for gasoline,
the technology's advanced, and everything's pristine.
can you imagine, a world with endless possibilities,
a world not troubled by physical disabilities
no heights unreachable, we've extended into the galaxy.
school's a thing of the past, kids just know what to be.
i guess this kind of thing is crazy in some minds.
where there's no need for chance, cuz there aint no dice.
and everyone knows the difference between wrong and right.
nobody's blind, and everything hidden is in plain sight.
All darkness will be subject to the light,
everyone's peaceful, so there aren't any more fights.
if you think about it, wouldn't this perfection be nice?
but can you imagine what it would be like in paradise?

[Emadyville]

I liked the concept. rhymes were pretty tight too.

[Ka0t1c]

very impressive, str8 from the heart

[Tash8]

idk i wasn't feeling it, there was no punchlines, not much creativity in it... rhymes were decent and i couldn't really pick up on the flow...

[mcZu]

Rhymes were ok, concept was great... Liked the message, but like Tash said you could have put in some punch-lines, but then again.. Some lyrics don't need that.. Nice piece

[Requiem]

thx for all the comments i know there weren't any punchlines, but i wasn't trying to make any with this. it's supposed to be more meaningful, almost like a poem, and poems don't have punchlines.


@ chet, alright. u get that mic, and we're collabing on a track. this could be my verse

[Tash8]

thx for all the comments i know there weren't any punchlines, but i wasn't trying to make any with this. it's supposed to be more meaningful, almost like a poem, and poems don't have punchlines.


@ chet, alright. u get that mic, and we're collabing on a track. this could be my verse

ummm... almost all meaningful lines have punchlines... punchlines aren't always just disses... when you tell a story a punchline i guess would be the thesis statement... so you blah your detailing what you want, then you have a punchline/thesis that tells everyone would ur talking about... didn't feel this had any.

[Arabian Shady]

defo a sick POEM,i think even with poem's you shud have enough structure so that the dude who's readin can find a decent flow, its phycological , the readers acceptability to your shit improves a lot better,
it like havein ice cream made better by havin a cherry on top of it,lol
sick concept, nice rhymes, bad flow
keep it up
Peace

[Requiem]

looking at it now, i guess it's hard to see a flow. but it sounded right in my head, but yall can't hear my thoughts, so...

until i record it with chet, then u'll know what i mean

^thx for the comments arabian shady

[Solace]

Amazing. I didnt really think flow was completely off, just at one point or another. I love the concept, and rhymes were nice. Good fucking job man!

[James R.]

Communism? Lol jk

Well it came from the heart, but it wasn't as creative as I would've liked. The rhyming was solid, but nothing was like WOW ya know? You could take this to a whole new level if you had some longer rhymes in there. And let your mind wander a little bit, man. Write shit down even if it doesn't make sense, and then make it make sense. Some of the most creative shit I've ever come up with started out making ZERO sense lol. Overall the emotion of the song saved it. You really felt what you were writing and that's nothing to ignore. Keep writin man.

[Requiem]

^thx for all the comments. wow, this is my most commented creative writing thread. thx guys

@ james r.- thx alot for the comment man, really informative. will work on that.
@shadymademe- thx again, btw, i LOVE ur sig.

btw, i added MORE so plz check it again.