Random girl verse

[Emadyville]

Wrote this yesterday, not sure to continue or what, took this from an experience I am currently going through, feedback appreciated, thanks.

Shot through the heart, nah but she clutched a dagger,
Half of it was her looks and half was just her swagger,
I could tell from her eyes she had lust I’m a slacker,
Didn’t play the game, I didn’t show a crush or mack her,
My heart was still gone, it couldn’t be much blacker,
From all the previous girls, they all such actors,
And I don’t stand out, I think I’m just a rapper,
I dress down, not loud, I’m always hushed not dapper,
But she played the game and she rushed it faster,
She didn’t break the wall she straight busted the plaster,
I wasn’t sure the deal but I sure trusted when I asked her,
She likes me too, goddamn it seems life’s just backwards,

[Ka0t1c]

very nice, pretty good even though u use bad english, i still enjoyed it so keep it up!

[Rain Matrix]

I liked this alot it can be a hard topic to write on but u did an awesome job

[Emadyville]

Thanks guys, I just sort of randomly threw it together just curious if it was worth continuing.

[Ka0t1c]

most definitely

[mcZu]

Nice job, it's a good piece, this is usually dificult to write about, but you did a great job

[James R.]

I agree, tough topic, but again you delivered. I'd like to see you bring this to a finished piece just cuz I wanna see how it turned out lol. Good storytelling.

[Emadyville]

I agree, tough topic, but again you delivered. I'd like to see you bring this to a finished piece just cuz I wanna see how it turned out lol. Good storytelling.

You should check my "Friends with Benefits" verse, look it up you should find it, that kind of deals with a similar topic, I think you would like it.

[DelinQuent]

dope verse, not much else to say, i gave you feed over AIM, but readin again...

the opening 2 lines are fucking sick, love the swagger line.

the i dress down not loud line is dope too.

record this

[Emadyville]

dope verse, not much else to say, i gave you feed over AIM, but readin again...

the opening 2 lines are fucking sick, love the swagger line.

the i dress down not loud line is dope too.

record this

Yeah man, just have to finish it, thanks again

[Slim Zaddy]

i liked it

[Arabian Shady]

yo very well written man,li ked the concept
umm i felt flow was off a lil after the 4th bar, but it came back on track again aftet like the 7th bar,that change in pace threw me off al little, but its all kool
wiked stuff
Peace

[Emadyville]

Thanks McMaybe and Arabian, always appreciated