NEW - Just A Renegade (Revising)

[Solace]

Flowing it to Busta Rhyme - I'll Hurt You (Feat. Eminem).

[Verse 1]
I'm a renegade who ain't afraid to say the shit that i say,
'Cause most of its just kiddy talk cause I really play,
But not today, I might just scream,I might just detonate,
And make your eyes tear more than a fucking pitcher of lemonade,
So shoot me, attack me, jump me, you punks be,
getting them gats and in scraps it just lacks maturity,
Just hiding your obscurity and your flaws, no security,
So come on attack me, even blurt a few words at me,
'Cause I'll eventually bounce back like a rubber ball,
You pompous fuckers, your father should have left his rubber on.

[Chorus x2]
I'm just a renegade...A renegade...A renegade...A renegade...

[Verse 2]
I'm just a -
Bitter and bitchy boy who aint got better shit to do,
Then sit down and think about who I should write my next diss to,
A pissed off teenager, who's angered and been rearranged,
Been pained, set to his limits and finally gone insane,
While y'all goin' through your lives, I'm just getting beaten up,
Like a fat man was hungry and the food got eaten up,
I've learned to stand for myself, but it lead to being a rebel,
People never expected me to sink to this level,


[Chorus x2]

[Verse 3]
You're probably wondering how cunning and stunning,
My lyrics can be, well its freedom of speech, and I aint ever running,
I'm failing class, thinking if i should just drop it,
No one would care anyways, and no one would even try to stop it,
I'm only thirteen yet my mind feels older,
I feel bolder, a dumb genius with weights at his shoulder,
But I try my hardest and I aint got nothing to hide,
Cept that body in my closet, damn man whats my allabye?
You aint got shit against me, so why you wanna battle?
Your disses against me are immature and prattle,
Fuck it, I'm sick of you cowards, im sick of you "gangsters",
I'm sick of you bitches, and I'm sick of you haters,
I'm gunna self destruct, the volcano is about to erupt,
Mountains gunna have an avalanche when I'm done.

[Chorus x3]
*Chorus fades out*

[Requiem]

i like the first verse, but there's a few unneeded words. lmao, like "mama told me to..." no need for do in that.
i like the flow, sounds like a fast paced song. rhymes are pretty good, and subject is consistent througout verse. good job

[Solace]

i like the first verse, but there's a few unneeded words. lmao, like "mama told me to..." no need for do in that.
i like the flow, sounds like a fast paced song. rhymes are pretty good, and subject is consistent througout verse. good job

For me it flows perfectly, but we all flow it differently. The reason i say mama told me to is cause you know ll cool j "mama said knock you out". Thanks man, cant wait to finish this piece up

[Requiem]

sick shizz man. verse 2 and 3 lyrically murdered verse one, the hook's ok, but that's not what makes this piece shine

i mean really, verse 2 blew me away with the level of reality i felt in it. also the feeling was perfect, and flow was great. verse 3 was good, but i'm just psyched about great verse 2 was.

yet another to add to ur tape that makes

like 10????

[Slim Zaddy]

[Verse 2]
While y'all goin' through your lives, I'm just getting beaten up,
Like a fat man was hungry and the food got eaten up,
I've learned to stand for myself, but it lead to being a rebel,
People never expected me to sink to this level.



[Verse 3]
I'm failing class, thinking if i should just drop it,
No one would care anyways, and no one would even try to stop it,
I'm only thirteen yet my mind feels older,
I feel bolder, a dumb genius with weights at his shoulder,

ya man that was dope these are da lines that i like the most . ,, you did take your time , but really you come back with a very good piece , ,well for it i could flow through it easily , i agree with ice killa lyrically verse 2 nd 3 are better than verse1 ,.. i like your multies 2 . nd in-rhymes ,, , they were all good .. last thing is ,, concept is good ,, so gd luck nd keep droppin , dont rush things that what i will do from now ...

[James R.]

Overall not bad. Flow was on and off. 2nd verse was the best in all categories. Try to imitate that flow throughout and you'll be good. You're getting better every time you drop man. You really take people's advice to heart. I'm glad to see it. Good job. Keep it up.

[Solace]

sick shizz man. verse 2 and 3 lyrically murdered verse one, the hook's ok, but that's not what makes this piece shine

i mean really, verse 2 blew me away with the level of reality i felt in it. also the feeling was perfect, and flow was great. verse 3 was good, but i'm just psyched about great verse 2 was.

yet another to add to ur tape that makes

like 10????

Thanks, glad you liked it. And its not like everything i put in the creative writing is gunna be recorded, like this one isnt for example. Anyways im glad you liked verse 2, i liked it best also.

@z_em, haha thanks man, glad you thought it was good. But i actually did rush this, it took about 10 minutes to write. Well im not sure if that counts as rushing but whatever.

@James, thanks, yet again verse 2 was best. Ill redo the other verses to make them flow and feel the same as the 2nd verse.

[Rain Matrix]

it's definitly got potential just keep rhyming it to yourself and work out the kinks

[Solace]

it's definitly got potential just keep rhyming it to yourself and work out the kinks

Thanks for checking man

[Kez]

While y'all goin' through your lives, I'm just getting beaten up,
Like a fat man was hungry and the food got eaten up,

This just made me fucking laugh so much, just the simplicity of it

[Solace]

While y'all goin' through your lives, I'm just getting beaten up,
Like a fat man was hungry and the food got eaten up,

This just made me fucking laugh so much, just the simplicity of it

Glad to give you some kicks

[Requiem]

^lmao, like the revisions on the 3rd verse. keep it up man

[Solace]

^lmao, like the revisions on the 3rd verse. keep it up man

Thanks man

[Robbie G]

It was pretty good. imo 3rd verse was the best and 1st was the worse.

[Solace]

It was pretty good. imo 3rd verse was the best and 1st was the worse.

Thanks