The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

The Walls That Seperate Us

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

The Walls That Seperate Us

Postby .Giorgo. » Sep 27th, '06, 15:12

-Image-

''The Walls That Seperate Us'' - By Giorgo.

[Verse 1 : Giorgo]
Do you still love me ? Or is that a lie ?
I'm here, close to you, but i still cry.
I can't touch ya, i can't feel ya body.
Yeah, it's happened, no way back,am i now shoddy ?
No. I'm the same person, only behind bars.
I can't go home.. i even can't drive with our cars.

These fuckin' walls keep me away from you.
I wanna breakout.. But how ? I don't have a clue.
But girl, never leave me. You're the only thing i have.
You're everything to me, but i can't do anything for ya.
These bars are between us, but hey, it's only more 1 year.
I'm locked up here, but one day. I will appear.

I want to kiss you, these 2 minutes aren't enough.
I want enough time with ya, This time is rough.
Our kid, i can't see him, can't see his firt steps.
The only thing i did was defend us, but that where mistakes.
The world is hard to us, i even can't give you a birthday-present.
Common' u don't deserve this, u deserve more. That's an argument.

Would you wtite back to my loveletters ? Or not ?
I can't give you enough love.. and that's a lot.
It's like a torture here without you.
Are you still interesed in me ? Give a clue.
These rhymes can make you cry, but also make you mad.
It's like my kid, i didn't hear his first word : dad.

[Chorus]
Baby, get me outta here. I can't live without you./
I wanna feel ya body, i love you - That's true./
Just wait for me, give me a chance, Don't mind on my tattoo./

[Verse 2 : Steverocks]



Last Update :
Last edited by .Giorgo. on Sep 28th, '06, 12:49, edited 2 times in total.
.Giorgo.
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 820
Joined: Aug 15th, '06, 17:30
Location: Watch Ya Back..

Postby rhiannon » Sep 27th, '06, 16:46

wow i really liked that...ur really good...an i like the pic too :flower:
I LIKE SLIMMY
User avatar
rhiannon
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 6006
Joined: Jan 25th, '06, 17:20
Location: uk

Postby .Giorgo. » Sep 27th, '06, 18:25

Thanx, i'm good ? :p That's some mistake.
I'm gonna write now, gonna work on this.

I want at least 30 bars at the end result.
Thx for the Feed.
Any more feeds en tips, please ?
.Giorgo.
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 820
Joined: Aug 15th, '06, 17:30
Location: Watch Ya Back..

Postby stevethetruth » Sep 27th, '06, 18:42

damn that was pretty good
the only change i found that would benfit the song was to take out "but" in the forth like cause it knocks it out of flow with it there


but yeah man overall it was pretty good
glad to see you back :happy:
http://www.myspace.com/stevethetruth <-- my myspace add me!!
User avatar
stevethetruth
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4112
Joined: May 27th, '06, 02:06
Location: wherever, whenever
Gender: Male

Postby .Giorgo. » Sep 27th, '06, 18:44

steverocks88 wrote:damn that was pretty good
the only change i found that would benfit the song was to take out "but" in the forth like cause it knocks it out of flow with it there


but yeah man overall it was pretty good
glad to see you back :happy:

Thanx for the tip, i'm gonna change that.
The more tips, the better i get :).

Thx Homie :). And thx that u are glad to see me back :).
.Giorgo.
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 820
Joined: Aug 15th, '06, 17:30
Location: Watch Ya Back..

Postby .Giorgo. » Sep 27th, '06, 18:52

Steve.. i'm not sure.. But do you wanna work with me on this work ?
I want to make a song of this. Will you help me ? So make a verse also.

It's just a question offcourse i understeand it that you don't have time or time for amateurs :p. But anyways i can ask it.
.Giorgo.
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 820
Joined: Aug 15th, '06, 17:30
Location: Watch Ya Back..

Postby stevethetruth » Sep 27th, '06, 18:59

.Giorgo. wrote:Steve.. i'm not sure.. But do you wanna work with me on this work ?
I want to make a song of this. Will you help me ? So make a verse also.

It's just a question offcourse i understeand it that you don't have time or time for amateurs :p. But anyways i can ask it.


sure i'll be glad to help you man

do you have a beat or no?? let me knoe :)
http://www.myspace.com/stevethetruth <-- my myspace add me!!
User avatar
stevethetruth
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4112
Joined: May 27th, '06, 02:06
Location: wherever, whenever
Gender: Male

Postby .Giorgo. » Sep 27th, '06, 19:02

steverocks88 wrote:
.Giorgo. wrote:Steve.. i'm not sure.. But do you wanna work with me on this work ?
I want to make a song of this. Will you help me ? So make a verse also.

It's just a question offcourse i understeand it that you don't have time or time for amateurs :p. But anyways i can ask it.


sure i'll be glad to help you man

do you have a beat or no?? let me knoe :)

:'( I have nothing. But i started a few hours ago.
I've added a few bars and changed it (your tip).
Tonight i gonna search a beat. Thx dude, u help me a lot. It means a lot.
.Giorgo.
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 820
Joined: Aug 15th, '06, 17:30
Location: Watch Ya Back..

Postby stevethetruth » Sep 27th, '06, 19:04

.Giorgo. wrote:
steverocks88 wrote:
.Giorgo. wrote:Steve.. i'm not sure.. But do you wanna work with me on this work ?
I want to make a song of this. Will you help me ? So make a verse also.

It's just a question offcourse i understeand it that you don't have time or time for amateurs :p. But anyways i can ask it.


sure i'll be glad to help you man

do you have a beat or no?? let me knoe :)

:'( I have nothing. But i started a few hours ago.
I've added a few bars and changed it (your tip).
Tonight i gonna search a beat. Thx dude, u help me a lot. It means a lot.

i see well it's pretty good considering you started it a couple hours ago lol

no prob anytime man
just let me know when you find a beat that suits it :)
http://www.myspace.com/stevethetruth <-- my myspace add me!!
User avatar
stevethetruth
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4112
Joined: May 27th, '06, 02:06
Location: wherever, whenever
Gender: Male

Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Sep 27th, '06, 21:40

thats pretty good man :D keep it up :worship:
User avatar
,-,'-{Bar}-',-,
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 16978
Joined: Apr 10th, '06, 21:41
Location: Scotland
Gender: Male

Postby sinemm » Sep 27th, '06, 22:05

yaa..thts rely cooolll..n when i saw the title it pulled me to check it..like itt..n pic is cool too yea :) ;)
User avatar
sinemm
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7544
Joined: Apr 20th, '06, 12:59
Location: Turkey/Istanbul
Gender: Female

Postby .Giorgo. » Sep 28th, '06, 08:49

Thanx guys. I like the logo too :8) .
:flower: :flower: .

I've founded a Hip Hop beat but it doesn't fit with this type of music.
So, i'l keep searching Steve.
.Giorgo.
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 820
Joined: Aug 15th, '06, 17:30
Location: Watch Ya Back..

Postby stevethetruth » Sep 28th, '06, 12:14

.Giorgo. wrote:Thanx guys. I like the logo too :8) .
:flower: :flower: .

I've founded a Hip Hop beat but it doesn't fit with this type of music.
So, i'l keep searching Steve.


i see well if you can could you pm me the beat i'm just curious to see what it sounds like lol
http://www.myspace.com/stevethetruth <-- my myspace add me!!
User avatar
stevethetruth
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4112
Joined: May 27th, '06, 02:06
Location: wherever, whenever
Gender: Male

Postby .Giorgo. » Sep 28th, '06, 12:49

I updated it a lil bit. I'm not sure of it's good.
Steve, i send you a PM with the (test)beat.

[Verse 1 : Giorgo]
Do you still love me ? Or is that a lie ?
I'm here, close to you, but i still cry.
I can't touch ya, i can't feel ya body.
Yeah, it's happened, no way back,am i now shoddy ?
No. I'm the same person, only behind bars.
I can't go home.. i even can't drive with our cars.

These fuckin' walls keep me away from you.
I wanna breakout.. But how ? I don't have a clue.
But girl, never leave me. You're the only thing i have.
You're everything to me, but i can't do anything for ya.
These bars are between us, but hey, it's only more 1 year.
I'm locked up here, but one day. I will appear.

I want to kiss you, these 2 minutes aren't enough.
I want enough time with ya, This time is rough.
Our kid, i can't see him, can't see his firt steps.
The only thing i did was defend us, but that where mistakes.
The world is hard to us, i even can't give you a birthday-present.
Common' u don't deserve this, u deserve more. That's an argument.

Would you wtite back to my loveletters ? Or not ?
I can't give you enough love.. and that's a lot.
It's like a torture here without you.
Are you still interesed in me ? Give a clue.
These rhymes can make you cry, but also make you mad.
It's like my kid, i didn't hear his first word : dad.

[Chorus]
Baby, get me outta here. I can't live without you./
I wanna feel ya body, i love you - That's true./
Just wait for me, give me a chance, Don't mind on my tattoo./

[Verse 2 : Steverocks]
.Giorgo.
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 820
Joined: Aug 15th, '06, 17:30
Location: Watch Ya Back..

Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Sep 28th, '06, 12:56

its good man :worship:

what kind of beat ya need ?
User avatar
,-,'-{Bar}-',-,
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 16978
Joined: Apr 10th, '06, 21:41
Location: Scotland
Gender: Male

Next

Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users