Sketches

[Block]

Wrote up this verse and started on a second one but lost concentration so nothing was flowing right. I'll write it later, I suppose. I'm fucking dieing from not being able to record.


The beat it's written to: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=9546082

Let the mortar crumble and I'm falling to pieces
put the Jenga back together as I crawl in the sheets,
sit underneath... a flashlight, a couple of hours
while the puzzle devours.. my last life last night,
nothing but cowards, with a last right testament
the best of men, would have come undone... not me
Swap these, rose petals off for a century of memories
and those better off than the rest of me, (in time)
the rest of me will fit into a box marked 'destiny' or die,
the clocks start 'nowhere', you go there and stamp it
with a package marked 'damaged'..
Damnit let me have it.. I don't care, fact is
we don't spare, the willow for the rain, fill the tank
get away, in your dreams til the storm stops screaming..
form thoughts of panic then can it,
here's a.. pillow for the pain you can have it,
(Take it..)

HOOK:
Listen to the sketches I had left upon the edges
of your back, still intact where the scars remain perfect
Impressions, infact it would lessen the worth if,
a lesson were taught or direction to work with, at all..

[Atone]

idk man, just doesn't seem to look like it flows together, i would have to hear this on audio to possibly get a better understanding of it

[Block]

idk man, just doesn't seem to look like it flows together, i would have to hear this on audio to possibly get a better understanding of it

If looked at from a text perspective, without being able to flow it on an instrumental, it doesn't appear to flow at all. Most of the verse does not appear to have 'end rhymes'. But if flowed properly on the instrumental, the rhymes hit the snare as such: (I'll bold where the snare hits)

Let the mortar crumble and I'm falling to pieces
put the Jenga back together as I crawl in the sheets,
sit underneath... a flashlight, a couple of hours
while the puzzle devours.. my last life last night,
nothing but cowards, with a last right testament
the best of men, would have come undone... not me
Swap these, rose petals off for a century of memories
and those better off than the rest of me (in time),
the rest of me will fit into a box marked 'destiny' or die,
the clocks start 'nowhere', you go there and stamp it
with a package marked 'damaged'..
Damnit let me have it.. I don't care, fact is
we don't spare, the willow for the rain, fill the tank
get away, in your dreams til the storm stops screaming..
form thoughts of panic then can it,
here's a.. pillow for the pain you can have it,
(Take it..)



I hope that helps the people who can never catch my flow, lol.

[WakeUpShow]

I liked it, nice flow and some nice rhymes, but they could have been improved. I couldn't quite get the flow of the hook though. Pretty good drop though

[Block]

I liked it, nice flow and some nice rhymes, but they could have been improved. I couldn't quite get the flow of the hook though. Pretty good drop though

Mind explaining how they could have been improved? I don't mind criticism, but criticism without explanation can only be looked at as a feeble attempt to be condescending.

[WakeUpShow]

I liked it, nice flow and some nice rhymes, but they could have been improved. I couldn't quite get the flow of the hook though. Pretty good drop though

Mind explaining how they could have been improved? I don't mind criticism, but criticism without explanation can only be looked at as a feeble attempt to be condescending.

I'm not trying to be condescending? I was complimenting you for the most part. Just a few more multis would make it incredible. And I'm not trying to be smart, I am in no way a good writer myself.

[Audi]

Swap these, rose petals off for a century of memories
and those better off than the rest of me, (in time)
the rest of me will fit into a box marked 'destiny' or die,

That flowed orgasmicly well.

I'm not really a fan of the beneath the surface abstract stuff unless it's relatively clear so I can't really judge this piece's content. I liked your scheme though and the mortar crumble, rose petal, and willows lines were nice.

[Block]

I liked it, nice flow and some nice rhymes, but they could have been improved. I couldn't quite get the flow of the hook though. Pretty good drop though

Mind explaining how they could have been improved? I don't mind criticism, but criticism without explanation can only be looked at as a feeble attempt to be condescending.

I'm not trying to be condescending? I was complimenting you for the most part. Just a few more multis would make it incredible. And I'm not trying to be smart, I am in no way a good writer myself.

I'm not saying you were bring condescending. I'm just saying that, for the most part, with no explanation, it can come off as such.

As for multies? I dint think I could fit more. You may want to look closer, lol

@audi- u fed this while I was typing lol. Thanks for the feed, man. Yeah, alot of people don't get into the abstract stuff, or think its weird. That's cool tho. To each his own.


Again, thank you both for the feed.

[WakeUpShow]

no problem. keep writing.

[Atone]

idk man, just doesn't seem to look like it flows together, i would have to hear this on audio to possibly get a better understanding of it

If looked at from a text perspective, without being able to flow it on an instrumental, it doesn't appear to flow at all. Most of the verse does not appear to have 'end rhymes'. But if flowed properly on the instrumental, the rhymes hit the snare as such: (I'll bold where the snare hits)

Let the mortar crumble and I'm falling to pieces
put the Jenga back together as I crawl in the sheets,
sit underneath... a flashlight, a couple of hours
while the puzzle devours.. my last life last night,
nothing but cowards, with a last right testament
the best of men, would have come undone... not me
Swap these, rose petals off for a century of memories
and those better off than the rest of me (in time),
the rest of me will fit into a box marked 'destiny' or die,
the clocks start 'nowhere', you go there and stamp it
with a package marked 'damaged'..
Damnit let me have it.. I don't care, fact is
we don't spare, the willow for the rain, fill the tank
get away, in your dreams til the storm stops screaming..
form thoughts of panic then can it,
here's a.. pillow for the pain you can have it,
(Take it..)



I hope that helps the people who can never catch my flow, lol.

now i see it, and it actually does flow real good, i'm gonna have to give this a 9/10, i'v never givin a straight 10 for anything cuz nobody will ever be perfet but this is damn near perfect

[Solace]

It definitely flows extremely well, I loved it.

here's a.. pillow for the pain you can have it,

Great ending line.

A consistent solid verse K Block

[Enimee]

im gonna have to second solace. i mean you opened it amazingly and tied it together with the ending line, and i can really feel the piece in the hook , like, they coincide and idk its just really good i loved the theme

pretty much a perfect verse man hot shit

[Mr. Chambers]

link of feedback?

[Block]

im gonna have to second solace. i mean you opened it amazingly and tied it together with the ending line, and i can really feel the piece in the hook , like, they coincide and idk its just really good i loved the theme

pretty much a perfect verse man hot shit

Didn't expect that from you. Thanks, Enimee.

Also, thanks Solace. Appreciate it, bro!


@Tom - I forgot to post a link, but I fed like 8 pieces before posting this and a few since then. I don't recall what they all were, though.

[Ka0t1c]

i thought it was a decent piece, could put in a lil more effort into fixin the flow up