One Minute You Loved Me

[MikeNUFC]

Never really posted any of my 'emotional' stuff. Here goes

One minute you wanted me, the next you were looking away
One minute you 'loved me', the next you were fucking my mate
It fucking frustrates me to see you ducking the hate
Then crying to ya girls when its chucked in your face
You wanted me to gamble my heart for this "fate"?
I'd rather put a grand on roulette, number eight
It's just as fucking risky and I know less will be lost
I'm guessing I'm soft cus I've turned to a mess, left to rot
While you're out getting smashed, high off sess and the pot
It depresses me lots, while you stay at home resting: "So what?"
I stayed with you while you were weaving your cheap little lies
Said you loved me and I was believing your weeping and cries
Went on for 6 months til I started to peep in ya disguise
Why I am so down about a girl who sweeped into my life
And pushed on my heart so much it leaped back out my spine
Why I am letting you make me cry and weep all the time?
I hate you so much for everything you've put me through
But the worst part of it all? I still cant help but love you...

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=105615

[classthe_king]

I could deffinitely feel the last two lines...I know how you feel

I thought this was good, but some of the stuff was kind of generic, the more personal you make it the better, the more specific it is the more powerful it is when someone relates to it. I also think you forced some stuff for rhymes. Was she crying while she told you she loved you? Also on the subject of multis, a lot of them had too much space inbetween the two words and turned into a one syllable rhyme, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that but I know you didn't put four words that rhymed in front of it by accident.

It's just as fucking risky and I know less will be lost
I'm guessing I'm soft cus I've turned to a mess, left to rot

the "be" is a word that has to be rhymed. That syllable in there not rhyming with the to threw it off and made the mess and less not rhyme. The next series you switched between having three and two syllables between the words, that threw it off. This was a good piece though, keep practicing. Loved the last two lines, might make it my facebook status tonight

[MikeNUFC]

@ Amadeo - Funnily enough that was the original plan when I wrote the first two lines, was thinking of something similar to 'If I Had'. But didn't really work out when I started actaully writing to that concept lol. Cheers for the feed.

@class - On the "Was she crying while she told you she loved you?" point.

The "said you loved me" was relating back to the previous line of "believing your lies". The "weeping and cries" is a seperate entity. I can see how that kinda meshes together though.

I thought the less/guess/mess rhymed fine when I flowed it. But I see what your saying about the gaps between the rhymes. Cheers for the feed.

[Xray]

Dopeness once again. I like your stuff man keep posting.

[HipHopHead]

I didn't like the flow as well as your Brain Damage homage. I thought you pulled this off decently well, with good structure and tight rhyming. I thought the beginning was slow and it had some run of the mill content but it wasn't bad. I liked it. Keep it up.

[MikeNUFC]

Cheers for the feed guys

I didn't like the flow as well as your Brain Damage homage.

I think you're thinking of Amadeo haha!

[HipHopHead]

Cheers for the feed guys

I didn't like the flow as well as your Brain Damage homage.

I think you're thinking of Amadeo haha!

My bad lol. You guys should collaborate