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Stay Wide Awake

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Stay Wide Awake

Postby Master Chief » Mar 12th, '11, 06:52

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oabQi5o7OLM

Yeah, yeah I know, the structure completely blows but when I flow to myself it's perfect. I won't compromise my flow trying to fix the structure :tounge2:

Listen bitch this is some, sickening shit to git ya,
Pissing up ya kitchens and dippin'...in a, stinkin' river,
Little bit sinister, stick my fist up ya sissy sister's,
Fricking cliteris then slit her wrist with sixty clippers,
Git the scissors, pick the skin from them and I'll make arts and crafts,
Grab the flesh and give it kisses, dim the lights, it’s dark and black,
Stabbing breasts and hitting bitches with the biggest, sharpest axe,
Packing heads, I knit their stitches, where the fuck’s the carcass at?,
Walking around, lost in the town, I stare at a barely open door,
Black hoody in place, it’s just about to get very deadly, hopeless, raw,
Wield my steady rope and saw, I’m spinning, already doped and lost,
i take some steps and go across; suddenly I’m treading over bras,
My vision clears and I slowly spot, coke, pot and a sweaty smoked up broad,
I flick the lights off and whoa it’s dark, all she says is oh my god,
I’m hyped and happy but you fight and scratch me, girl let me hold ya claws,
I'ma tie you up and dismember you from... hat to head to toe to sock,

(Chorus)

Now, where to begin, fuck it, I'll shave ya hair at the end, loving,
How, you swear at me when, rubbing, your ass bare in the skin, what bitch?,
Goddamn! who's at the door, I'm about to enduce in a war and shoot up a storm,
Shut up!, your cheek looks fine I was only using a fork, now suit up you whore,
Your vains, I'm licking them, they glistening just like a crimson diamond,
Brain is rippin in' and shivering cause baby when you cryin',
I break to smitherings, I'm sick within, I simply git to dyin',
But, when you scream, my sins are clean, I'm in a dream, my wings are flyin'
I'm foul, I'm mentally unstable, I'm psychologically a mess,
And while you think this is a fable, come try and bother me and rest,
In pieces, I'm a beast, c'mon release some laughter, this is funny ain't it?,
I'm buzzed and wasted, I leave you alone for a minute and something's baking?,
Your skin feels like rugged paper, where you recieve these cuts and scrapes from,
Smells like smoke, is hell that close?, heat waves pushing like shoves by Satan,
Your arm is chewed, torn and red, like you got bombed by two hordes of jets,
Why harm your smooth, gorgeous flesh? Ha! you haven't gone thru cruel torture yet...

YES... this is somewhat Eminem-ish :coffee:
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Master Chief » Mar 12th, '11, 06:57

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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby -[Zach]- » Mar 12th, '11, 08:21

Very nice, man. Rhymes coming out the ass there haha. Very descriptive, too. I could really picture was you were writing.

Stabbing breasts and hitting bitches with the biggest, sharpest axe,
Packing heads, I knit their stitches, where the fuck’s the carcass at?,


For some reason I really liked those lines in particular. Well keep up the good work, man.
"Did you ever stop to think/I'm old enough to go to war but I ain't old enough to drink" - 2Pac

"It's time to let the truth be told/There ain't no brighter day/'Cause when it all unfolds/A n**** gon' just pass away/These haters tryna stop my grind/But I bet them hoes can't block my shine/So tired of takin' losses not this time/I can't save the whole world I'm just tryna look out for mine" - Z-Ro

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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Master Chief » Mar 12th, '11, 19:00

Thanks for the feed, man :y:

It's always appreciated :b: :b:
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Maybe » Mar 12th, '11, 20:27

That was 100 percent Eminem on Relapse. No doubt about that; I can almost hear the entire song in his voice.

For what it is, it's a 9/10 piece. Generally, I dislike this style, but this review is based on writing talent, and that much you don't lack at all.

It was thoroughly comprehensive, well written, and the multies were used with caution in all the right places. Great job, man.
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Master Chief » Mar 12th, '11, 20:53

FauxPas wrote:That was 100 percent Eminem on Relapse. No doubt about that; I can almost hear the entire song in his voice.

For what it is, it's a 9/10 piece. Generally, I dislike this style, but this review is based on writing talent, and that much you don't lack at all.

It was thoroughly comprehensive, well written, and the multies were used with caution in all the right places. Great job, man.

Yeah, I was possessed by 3 AM and Stay Wide Awake when I wrote this :sweating:

Thanks for the love, Faux :smoking:
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Just Silver » Mar 13th, '11, 02:20

real nice piece guy

I always liked the Stay Wide Awake flow and this stays true to it :y:
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Master Chief » Mar 13th, '11, 23:59

Thanks bro :happy:
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Block » Mar 14th, '11, 03:59

I thought I fed this already.. I pretty much agree with maybe. (I hate having similar views..)

I could picture Em rapping this, lol. I basically read it in his voice. Your rhymes and multies were well placed and weren't written in an amateur manner. Although there isn't really a story, per se, you stay with one topic.. Which is a nice relief from alot of pieces that are seemingly scattered.

Overall, I enjoyed the read.
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Wreck » Mar 14th, '11, 11:04

Theme, it was a nice 3 AM type theme, and you stayed on topic nicely too
Lyricism/lyrics- good, some nice vocabs too
Flow- Some good good multis, but some were close to not fitting, and the bars were really long, I tend to do that myself, even if the bars still do fit in with the beat, but just make sure if their are useless words used in a sentence to remove them and your bars will fit even better.

Was feeling this, keep grinding man, it was good, and a fun topic too.

Can you please post a link of feedback to my newest verse? Thx.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=109808
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Master Chief » Mar 16th, '11, 03:02

Thanks, k block.

Fuck, I hate having to respond so late and shamelessly bump this when it's so low, I've been busy all day :sweating:

Wreckless Music wrote:Theme, it was a nice 3 AM type theme, and you stayed on topic nicely too
Lyricism/lyrics- good, some nice vocabs too
Flow- Some good good multis, but some were close to not fitting, and the bars were really long, I tend to do that myself, even if the bars still do fit in with the beat, but just make sure if their are useless words used in a sentence to remove them and your bars will fit even better.

Was feeling this, keep grinding man, it was good, and a fun topic too.

Can you please post a link of feedback to my newest verse? Thx.

http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=109808

Thanks and will do in a quick sec :y:
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Wreck » Mar 16th, '11, 03:08

Master Chief wrote:Thanks, k block.

Fuck, I hate having to respond so late and shamelessly bump this when it's so low, I've been busy all day :sweating:

Wreckless Music wrote:Theme, it was a nice 3 AM type theme, and you stayed on topic nicely too
Lyricism/lyrics- good, some nice vocabs too
Flow- Some good good multis, but some were close to not fitting, and the bars were really long, I tend to do that myself, even if the bars still do fit in with the beat, but just make sure if their are useless words used in a sentence to remove them and your bars will fit even better.

Was feeling this, keep grinding man, it was good, and a fun topic too.

Can you please post a link of feedback to my newest verse? Thx.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=109808

Thanks and will do in a quick sec :y:


Thanks bro.
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Ka0t1c » Mar 17th, '11, 19:02

great stuff in here, i enjoyed reading it, although i felt some parts were forced to rhyme, so they seemed duller than at other points, all in all tho, it's a solid piece and the way you wrote it i enjoy reading :y:
oh yeah... and thanks for nothing too
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby VenomBlackViper » Mar 19th, '11, 04:06

Fucking great job man, I could definitely picture Em rapping this with the accent I especially liked the 1st verse.
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Re: Stay Wide Awake

Postby Mahmoud48 » Mar 19th, '11, 23:25

sounds like em
ODD FUTURE ASAP OVOXO BLACK HIPPY GOOD MUSIC
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