Just Me And You

[Wreck]

Link of feedback:

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=109698&p=1550816#p1550816

Here, just something I did real quick, thinking about a girl I really like that am good friends with.....



Me and her fit together but we miss and match
People running their mouths, talking this-and-that
When I write, I write to her, even if it looks like chicken-scratch
I made some new love beats for you too ma, pick a batch
I'm never sick of rap, too bad when I'm at work I'm kicking-ass
Every other couple breaks up, but girl we can-last
The 2 of us, we're like George & Weezy
and you should listen when I say, you're gorgeous, believe me
we the best like Jordan, easily, so here's to an even gorgeous evening
I love you but sometimes relationships bite, like they're going-through-teething
With you I feel safer & chill, let's hit "Miami" like we're Jada & Will
We're like a music band, but we also still got haters-still
But this marriage I made it real, & I put that ring on like I put on Jers
Damn ma I bought you some new clothes, but you still got my same hood on, word
And you best believe we gonna light it up like it's Dynamite
like Taio Cruz, wake up to a gorgeous day, and damn you looking fine-tonight

[-[Zach]-]

Well done. I can feel the emotion in it and I like the vocabulary you used. This piece kind of reminds me of relationships of the past...haha Keep up the good work, man

[Wreck]

Well done. I can feel the emotion in it and I like the vocabulary you used. This piece kind of reminds me of relationships of the past...haha Keep up the good work, man

Thank you sir, appreciate it. And speaking of your avatar, that's what my rhyming was trying to sound like in a way.

[Block]

From reading this I can tell that you keep your ideas together pretty well while writing. My few quarms are that your rhyming seems really basic and without much imagery. It's hard to keep the attention of the reader/listener when you're not saying anything that is thought provoking or different from what others have already said. Also, it seems like you're trying to force alot of metaphores / similies into your pieces just for the sake of having them.. That makes the piece feel really forced and it messed up the whole emotion.

Don't see this as negative feed, it's just my thoughts on what you can easily fix. You've got the right ideas but you're just heading in the wrong direction. If you turn around and head down the other path you'll be on the right road.

[Wreck]

From reading this I can tell that you keep your ideas together pretty well while writing. My few quarms are that your rhyming seems really basic and without much imagery. It's hard to keep the attention of the reader/listener when you're not saying anything that is thought provoking or different from what others have already said. Also, it seems like you're trying to force alot of metaphores / similies into your pieces just for the sake of having them.. That makes the piece feel really forced and it messed up the whole emotion.

Don't see this as negative feed, it's just my thoughts on what you can easily fix. You've got the right ideas but you're just heading in the wrong direction. If you turn around and head down the other path you'll be on the right road.

Thanks for the feed bro, I appreciate it, and nah it's all good, but I only did that here cause it's about a girl. When I'm writing shit about girls I keep it in the same writing lane every time mostly, otherwise when I post something different it won't be like that I promise, but thanks for pointing that out, I will work on that. And I do that as well because I like to have double multis, and great lyricism, even if it is a little forced sometimes, that's just me . Thanks .

[Master Chief]

I loved the rhyming on the first 6 lines. I find it awesome that, to me, kicking ass/we can last, strange. Don't know if that was intentional. But,

To an extent, I agree with k block about tryin' to write something at least somewhat thought-provoking. It can be either a complex metaphor or whatever you think will makes us think or get a reacting from us or just write a line you consider interesting (not saying you should do this for every line, it'll come naturally).

I also liked the vibe it gave off. This was some good stuff, my man.

[Wreck]

I loved the rhyming on the first 6 lines. I find it awesome that, to me, kicking ass/we can last, strange. Don't know if that was intentional. But,

To an extent, I agree with k block about tryin' to write something at least somewhat thought-provoking. It can be either a complex metaphor or whatever you think will makes us think or get a reacting from us or just write a line you consider interesting (not saying you should do this for every line, it'll come naturally).

I also liked the vibe it gave off. This was some good stuff, my man.

Thanks for the honest feed bro, appreciate it. And in my songs that I haven't posted on here I write some crazy, literally crazy shit, so I might just post something with that in mind sometime cause I like to think of myself as a crazy rapper besides the real songs I write & lyricism.