Poetic

[MikeNUFC]

Just some bullshit I wrote in about 15 minutes. Don't even like it that much, but might as well post it.

'An emotion on the surface is a mere gust in the wind
and as the gust catches light we see nothing but sin'
"Oh Mike that's so abstract, it's like, really poetic
And I showed my friend Sandra, she totally gets it"
Get what? The lines I wrote were nonsense and blabber
But recite it to you fucks, it's met with constant damn chatter
Start off with 'emotion', add in a short metaphor
A reference to weather usually helps set the score
Rest assured that talk of 'roses' fills up some lines
Doesn't need to make sense - 'it closes till it stops time'
Drop in a similie with an attempt to personify colour
'The falling of red like we're hunting in summer'
Always end on a line that makes no sense at all
'The clock strikes the moon... it's so tense we fall'
As long as you follow these most simple rules
You'll be idolisied by pretentious, close-minded fools

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=110136

[MikeNUFC]

Fucking dope, bro. Best piece ever written

Cheers, it's much appreciated


(first time I've ever bumped, give me some slack).

[Devil'sAdvocate]

i dont post here but i do check this forum.

this just needed me to post man.

that was dope especially when the switch up after the dialogue,just dope.

[Maybe]

I like how you went back and forth, and the bit of poetry in there, along with the dialog was dope. It's unique, and if it had a second verse it would actually make a sick song.

9/10

[Block]

fuck. why don't I think of concepts like this? I love this concept. it would make a dope song. It came out great too.

Good shit, man.

[MikeNUFC]

Cheers fellas

[Xray]

Wasn't really feeling it. The content is boring, and even though you had good amounts of multi's, I still couldn't like it. Not really sure why, but most of your recent stuff doesn't have much emotion in it. It's just rhyming a concept, nothing that gives me a feel of your character. I guess it's because your wording kind of sounds robotic, not sure if that makes sense, but I don't know how to explain it. In my opinion, your writing could use some attitude and emotion.

[MikeNUFC]

Cheers for the honest feed, X.

Hmm, I understand your point, especially the 'emotion' bit - although this topic is something I do agree with (obviously), I didn't write it with a huge amount of conviction.

And I'm not really a massive fan of this piece myself as I said in the OP. The thing is, I'm awful at writing random/bravado 16s, so if I stumble upon a topic/concept (such as thi) I go at it immediately lol which may be a reason.

[Xray]

That's not what I meant. Why would I want you writing random shit? That's just wrong lol. What I meant was, you need to be more free, and comfortable with what you are writing. Things you represent as a person, things you like/love, make a witty punchline about someone or thing you disagree with, that sort of thing. Things that build up your character and personality. And word, I read that in your OP, but didn't wanna mention it in my post cause I didn't want to seem like a dickrider lol.

[Satire]

Lol, Sadistik diss?

Anyways, I really enjoyed it. I liked the concept. The switch in the beginning and the lines that followed were hilarious.

[MikeNUFC]

Xray - Nah I got you, what I was saying was because I can only really write concepts, when I get an idea and go straight into it and try and get it done in one sitting, which may effect word choice etc.

But your point is definitely noted

@Satire - Nah lol Sadistik actaully makes sense. Cheers

[WakeUpShow]

lol, really liked it. I have always thought about it, but never had the genius thought to actually write about it. Props, and good technicals too.