My Love

[ArsheyHaq]

Do you guys like this?

I just want a normal chick, not one right out a porno flick/
lookin' like she's about to perform an oral skit on my enormous dick/
someone who's worth me to try rhymin' for, buy diamonds for/
and bend over backwards 'till I crack my spinal cord/
yeah, *****..the only one in the world/
she can't be referenced under a plural, she's a wonderful pearl/
and I'll kill you if you make fun of my girl!/
she's had a long day, so don't look at her the wrong way! I've already killed hundreds of squirrels/
yeah, I'm psycho, but she accepts who I are/
we met through a spark, cupid's treacherous dart/
life's a game of solitaire but we're the deck's two of hearts/
I love her to death 'till death do us part/
unless of course she gets too large, then I expect her to starve/
after she's stuck her fingers down her neck 'till she barfs/



viewtopic.php?f=24&t=110555

[Maybe]

Pretty interesting read. The rhymes were very consistent, and the whole thing flowed like a river. I mean, as far as perfecting your style go, flow is something you do as close to 100% as possible. The storyline itself was pretty common, but you did it so well it didn't hurt. 9/10

[ArsheyHaq]

Yeah, I think I'm going more for quantity rather than quality nowadays lol I know that isn't good, but I feel like I'm getting overlooked on the board, so I'm trying to flood it with my rhymes haha

Anyway, I appreciate the nice feed. Really wasn't expecting a 9/10 for this, so thanks

[VenomBlackViper]

Good job man, you're a good writer from what I've read from you so far. Keep it up bruh.

[kalbird]

This is some tight ish man!!!

[gutawafang]

woah man. storytelling, and imagery... fucking good. you're sick man. keep it up with the multis man.

[ArsheyHaq]

Thanks for the great feedback, guys I'll keep posting as long as you keep enjoying 'em

Good job man, you're a good writer from what I've read from you so far. Keep it up bruh.

^^^Thanks!^^^ coming from you makes it mean all the more to me

[Tash8]

ok well

I just want a normal chick, not one right out a porno flick/
lookin' like she's about to perform an oral skit on my enormous dick/

I like the pun haha, it's clever and rhymes are nice, though my problem is the chick, flick, dick, skit are all simple rhymes, normal, porno, enormous, all slant rhyme but i wish the other rhymes were a bit stronger.

we met through a spark, cupid's treacherous dart/
life's a game of solitaire but we're the deck's two of hearts/

^ my fav lines, especially the second line

good shit man, keep it up.
would love some feed on this man:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=111039