Natural Oddity (UPDATE: Now a Sixteen. Please Check lol)

[WakeUpShow]

I love to circulate flows, and that's why I'm always ceiling fans
Your brain'll percolate those, in a moment, you'll be feeling grand
Scaled your mountain of lies and pushed you off your moral high ground
I force-fed you my lyrics and you're actually sorta nice now
there's no fuel for thought if you try to close your mine
You'll see the opposite of rescue when I go to throw a line
Use the bottom of the food chain to tear down your family tree
I'm the whole foods rapper, I've got no fillers and I'm sanity free
Screamin at a penis enlargement ad "I already got mine!"
But I'm still jerkin off to a hot locals hot line
Congrats, you don't get my shit but you kept tryin'
So Battle me and taste defeat like Rex Ryan
I'm the craziest man you've ever met, Oh you don't remember me?
Maybe you should keep a nightmare journal after you lay your head to sleep
Flip the shoe brand, and become ekin to them in your ass
The last line of my verses are commonly referred to as Heaven at last.

http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=111736

[Master Chief]

Big lol @ the ceiling fans line. Some real nice punchlines on this but that one is amazing. Good rhyming, nice internals in there. It's good for what it is... a quick 8.

This was a very entertaining piece

[Maybe]

Rhyming was ace, the first line was especially dope for a punch, and overall it had a really amusing feel to it. It'd make a great filler verse, or feature on a "fun" song, only it's more "cleverly" written for a throwaway.

[WakeUpShow]

bump..

[WakeUpShow]

bump..

[ArsheyHaq]

This was good stuff, it just really left me unsatisfied because of how short it was (that's a good thing). After reading just 8 I wanted more! Haha These were my favorite lines:

"Scaled your mountain of lies and pushed you off your moral high ground
I force-fed you my lyrics and you're actually sorta nice now
there's no fuel for thought if you try to close your mine
You'll see the opposite of rescue when I go to throw a line"

Pretty original lines that I haven't seen attempted before. Make sure to let me know when you post something else cuz I WANT to read it

[WakeUpShow]

This was good stuff, it just really left me unsatisfied because of how short it was (that's a good thing). After reading just 8 I wanted more! Haha These were my favorite lines:

"Scaled your mountain of lies and pushed you off your moral high ground
I force-fed you my lyrics and you're actually sorta nice now
there's no fuel for thought if you try to close your mine
You'll see the opposite of rescue when I go to throw a line"

Pretty original lines that I haven't seen attempted before. Make sure to let me know when you post something else cuz I WANT to read it

hahah thanks alot man, i appreciate it. And jw, did you get the punchline There's no fuel for thought, if you try to close your mind (mine)"

[Immortal Equinox]

This was good stuff, it just really left me unsatisfied because of how short it was (that's a good thing). After reading just 8 I wanted more! Haha These were my favorite lines:

"Scaled your mountain of lies and pushed you off your moral high ground
I force-fed you my lyrics and you're actually sorta nice now
there's no fuel for thought if you try to close your mine
You'll see the opposite of rescue when I go to throw a line"

Pretty original lines that I haven't seen attempted before. Make sure to let me know when you post something else cuz I WANT to read it

"Scaled your mountain of lies and pushed you off your moral high ground''
-I'll blow my fuse and knock your lights out
and push you head first off the top of your moral high ground-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FE0BMJQqmL4
0:46

[VenomBlackViper]

I love to circulate flows, and that's why I'm always ceiling fans
Your brain'll percolate those, in a moment, you'll be feeling grand

Good lines here, I especially like the wordplay on ceiling fans.

Scaled your mountain of lies and pushed you off your moral high ground
I force-fed you my lyrics and you're actually sorta nice now

Pushing you off your moral high ground was already done by Rhyme Asylum so you should take that out.

there's no fuel for thought if you try to close youre mine
You'll see the opposite of rescue when I go to throw a line

Good 1st bar with fuel for thought/close your mind, didn't really get the one about throwing a line though, unless you meant throw a line as in a rap line.

Use the bottom of the food chain to tear down your family tree
I'm the whole foods rapper, I've got no fillers and I'm sanity free

Great punchline here, one suggestion though would be change family tree to tree of life so the subject matter works better as you depend on food to sustain life. The line would be even better that way.

All in all good 8 bars, keep writing & i'll keep checking for more by you.

[WakeUpShow]

I love to circulate flows, and that's why I'm always ceiling fans
Your brain'll percolate those, in a moment, you'll be feeling grand

Good lines here, I especially like the wordplay on ceiling fans.

Scaled your mountain of lies and pushed you off your moral high ground
I force-fed you my lyrics and you're actually sorta nice now

Pushing you off your moral high ground was already done by Rhyme Asylum so you should take that out.

there's no fuel for thought if you try to close youre mine
You'll see the opposite of rescue when I go to throw a line

Good 1st bar with fuel for thought/close your mind, didn't really get the one about throwing a line though, unless you meant throw a line as in a rap line.

Use the bottom of the food chain to tear down your family tree
I'm the whole foods rapper, I've got no fillers and I'm sanity free

Great punchline here, one suggestion though would be change family tree to tree of life so the subject matter works better as you depend on food to sustain life. The line would be even better that way.

All in all good 8 bars, keep writing & i'll keep checking for more by you.

Thanks alot man. Yeah i meant like throw a rap line at you. kinda forced but whatever haha. And I love the idea about tree of life. Really Nice, i might make a sixteen of this, and change some stuff around.

[WakeUpShow]

Damn dope, nice punches...
Word choices were nice, flow was remarkable.

Scaled your mountain of lies and pushed you off your moral high ground

This line i like the most, don't know why tho lol.
Could you check my piece please? if you have time of course.

yeah ill check it. thanks for the feed man

[WakeUpShow]

Rhyming was ace, the first line was especially dope for a punch, and overall it had a really amusing feel to it. It'd make a great filler verse, or feature on a "fun" song, only it's more "cleverly" written for a throwaway.

sorry i didn't respond to your feed, i was busy. But after 1 month, thanks for the feed man it means alot. Thanks to C.R.E.A.M and MC too.

[classthe_king]

The ceiling fan and rex ryan lines were good as I already told you.

The moral high ground line Rhyme Aslyum used so it wasn't that good to me.

All the other punchlines were ehhhh, especially the last one, I wouldn't keep that. You seemed like you had way too many fillers, you had like 4 good lines in the verse and the rest were just set up lines or lines where it seemed like you didn't have anything else to say and you just needed lines to take up space.

Flow was all over the place, I don't know if you wrote this to a beat or not.

[WakeUpShow]

The ceiling fan and rex ryan lines were good as I already told you.

The moral high ground line Rhyme Aslyum used so it wasn't that good to me.

All the other punchlines were ehhhh, especially the last one, I wouldn't keep that. You seemed like you had way too many fillers, you had like 4 good lines in the verse and the rest were just set up lines or lines where it seemed like you didn't have anything else to say and you just needed lines to take up space.

Flow was all over the place, I don't know if you wrote this to a beat or not.

the last line wasn't a punch even though it seems like it. I'm just saying that when my verse is over rappers say "Heaven at last" thanks for the feedback.

[Maybe]

Any chance you can check my shit out?