Kill My Feelings

[MikeNUFC]

Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=115694&p=1654886#p1654886

Just a quick 20 minute verse I did for the lols.

This girl said to me that I need to "kill my feelings"
So I swallowed my pride, I could feel it breathing
I almost choked and my humilation came from inside
It grabbed my throat and started to play with my mind
Forced me to pub cus my sorrows want drowning
They wouldn't fit in my pint, so I borrowed a fountain
But the fuckers moped off, so I severed 'em quickly
Now I have no self-pity, just hate everyone but me
Decided I needed to grab happiness with both hands
Strangled the fucker till I was depressed and so sad
Got angry with that and they say anger's a weakness
I proved that correct, when I stamped on it's bleaknees
Still lonely - they say that's cold and I felt the breeze
So I shoved the prick in the oven on 412 degrees
Now I got my mates back, but I've got mixed emotions
They're all in a lunchline, and I'm mixing a potion

[MikeNUFC]

bump

[12characters]

I really like how dark it was. Those opening lines are pretty chilling;

This girl said to me that I need to "kill my feelings"
So I swallowed my pride, I could feel it breathing

There's also quite a bit of aggression, which I thought was cool. One of the better examples;

Decided I needed to grab happiness with both hands
Strangled the fucker till I was depressed and so sad

My favorite line though was probably

They wouldn't fit in my pint, so I borrowed a fountain

Definitely some intense imagery in this entire piece.

As for the flow, I found it kind of difficult to pace myself while reading this, it felt like the flow was a little off and on again.

Still, pretty dope for only 20 minutes.

[MikeNUFC]

Thanks, I wasn't even aiming for that but if it came across like that then great haha

[KingDavid]

nota bad

[MikeNUFC]

nota bad

Cheers for the in-depth feed

[mcZu]

Hmm, interesting verse. The rhyming was quite good, the only part that threw the fluidity of the rhyme scheme off was the bar that ended with ''But me''. Didn't fit in wit the rhyme scheme at all. The concept was interesting, it seemed to me that it faded from an emotional verse to a horrorcore kind of verse. I might have used two extremes to personalize both contents, but that's what came to my mind when I was reading it. Not bad, would've probably been better if you took your time and wrote a serious verse, but you said you did it just for the lols, so not a big deal. Cool verse.

[MikeNUFC]

Hmm, interesting verse. The rhyming was quite good, the only part that threw the fluidity of the rhyme scheme off was the bar that ended with ''But me''. Didn't fit in wit the rhyme scheme at all. The concept was interesting, it seemed to me that it faded from an emotional verse to a horrorcore kind of verse. I might have used two extremes to personalize both contents, but that's what came to my mind when I was reading it. Not bad, would've probably been better if you took your time and wrote a serious verse, but you said you did it just for the lols, so not a big deal. Cool verse.

Yeah I should have used "with" really.

And, yeah, that was the effect I was going for, start with a serious bar, then for it to get more and more ridiculous as it went on.

Thanks a lot for the feed, appreciated.

[Maybe]

You rhyme a lot of things most people don't think rhyme... I love that, because it's exactly what I do. Also, the wordplay is pretty nice. The whole verse was dope, but I figured I'd point out the lines that stand out:

This girl said to me that I need to "kill my feelings"
So I swallowed my pride, I could feel it breathing
I almost choked and my humilation came from inside
It grabbed my throat and started to play with my mind
Forced me to pub cus my sorrows want drowning
They wouldn't fit in my pint, so I borrowed a fountain
But the fuckers moped off, so I severed 'em quickly
Now I have no self-pity, just hate everyone but me
Decided I needed to grab happiness with both hands
Strangled the fucker till I was depressed and so sad
Got angry with that and they say anger's a weakness
I proved that correct, when I stamped on it's bleaknees
Still lonely - they say that's cold and I felt the breeze
So I shoved the prick in the oven on 412 degrees
Now I got my mates back, but I've got mixed emotions
They're all in a lunchline, and I'm mixing a potion

[Innovation]

You rhyme a lot of things most people don't think rhyme... I love that, because it's exactly what I do. Also, the wordplay is pretty nice. The whole verse was dope, but I figured I'd point out the lines that stand out:

This girl said to me that I need to "kill my feelings"
So I swallowed my pride, I could feel it breathing
I almost choked and my humilation came from inside
It grabbed my throat and started to play with my mind
Forced me to pub cus my sorrows want drowning
They wouldn't fit in my pint, so I borrowed a fountain
But the fuckers moped off, so I severed 'em quickly
Now I have no self-pity, just hate everyone but me
Decided I needed to grab happiness with both hands
Strangled the fucker till I was depressed and so sad
Got angry with that and they say anger's a weakness
I proved that correct, when I stamped on it's bleaknees
Still lonely - they say that's cold and I felt the breeze
So I shoved the prick in the oven on 412 degrees
Now I got my mates back, but I've got mixed emotions
They're all in a lunchline, and I'm mixing a potion

This.

Another solid drop, Mike. I'm looking forward to hear what you sound like on a track!

[ArsheyHaq]

I read this a few times, but I keep forgetting to feed haha

Anyways, dope! You've become one of my favorite posters on this site. I'm always lookin' for new drops by you

Good subject material. I haven't seen you attempt it before, yet you pulled it off cleanly. Just one complaint (sorry, if it may be too picky!), but seems like you forced a line here:

"Still lonely - they say that's cold and I felt the breeze
So I shoved the prick in the oven on 412 degrees"

412 degrees? Why 412, besides the obvious because it rhymed. Maybe there's some significance to it that I'm not getting lol but whatever, rest of the piece was great, that part just bothered me for some odd reason. Felt awkward.