hiP-olitics

[Enimee]

im inclined to defeat you out of vengeance bitch
your a cretin and about as complete as your sentences
im set to defeat and dismember this agenda quick
out of wrecklessness but i wont beat you like my tender dick
ill treat you like an aggressive kid and delete your instant messages
expensive? shit is less desirable then pretendin sick
cause i got a thought thats about as steep as a teachers pension is
your asleep while the president gets to meet and great al queda members with
open arms and a gentler kiss then the brush stroke of a teenage expressionist
you still push for green even with the deficit
and the federal reserve is locking up all or legal tender quick
men of god stand by and watch preachin bein less offensive in
your daily actions but i dont understand how they teach this lesson with
intentions to go home and be the prime example of teen negligence

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=117419

[ArsheyHaq]

Took me a second read to grasp some of the multis on here. From the beginning to around the middle shit was insane haha the one thing I didn't like is how you would put in a word like "shit", "quick", "dick", or "bitch" conveniently to complete the multi. Made it seem a little sloppy.

But from what I could understand (lol) I liked the message I like topics like these, and you pulled it off fairly nicely. It seemed like a lot of the stuff did go over my head though haha good work though, and I really hope you post more! We need more members like you.

[EyeQ200]

Nice to see a new face in the CW section
I'm editing my bump post now into feedback, so here goes..
I thought that the overall message of the song was great and showed awareness of the world around you, so i liked that it was so real and reflected life
The only thing i can really say, is it step it up with the punchlines if you're going to use them, if your not that type of writer, forget about it! But i think you have a lot of potential because i can see that you have brains and see things as they are, you convey these things well, but i think you can bring your multies to a higher level in order to bring a message and be technically better, overall though, this track is great, and i'll be looking out to see what else you bring to this section

[Enimee]

yeah i feel you arshey i think what it is is i have to use alot of filler to stretch out the few good combinations i have, which also causes me to leap between topics and become confusing, im workin learnin some more setups so that i can be a little more percise with what im sayin...thanks

and you lost me eyeq

[EyeQ200]

I was bumping your thread saying it need more feedback from people, i quote Arshey to make it look like i typed more and wasn't just a bump (the parts of his post i agreed with are quoted) i'm planning to go back and edit my post into feedback

[VenomBlackViper]

This was a great piece, I liked the message conveyed in it & it flowed great once I caught on to how it was meant to flow. The one thing I'd suggest improvement on would be your multies (the second half of your verse specifically, first half was flawless), try to make them less repetitive. For example you rhymed teenage expressionist with teen negligence in the same rhyme scheme. Also try to avoid too much bar splitting like ending rhymes with "in" "is" with" it throws off the flow sometimes. These are all just for the second half of your verse which was the only flaw I found. All in all a great piece & glad to have you back in CW assuming you used to post here back in the days.

[Strictt Ame]

Multis and flow were on fuckin point, the creativity only added to it..youve really stepped it up since I last read somethin from you (long ass time ago)..but good shit, kept it flowin and relevant but also made it unique..wish you wouldve gone for more tean 14 bars though lmao

[Enimee]

preciate all the feed people, and yeah i think alot of that comes from me rushing to get my shit done cause pretty much keystyled it i mean its not something ive been working on i just kinda made the thread and wrote it on the spot so i def didnt take my time

and yeah stricct i hear you on the length shyt watch out for my next one

im def gonna start making my multis stronger too

and no eyeq im not really a punchline rapper, i mean i can do it i just dont really like to so you wont see it alot from me and i wouldnt say im new too this section, like stricct said its just been a while so yeah expect to see more

thanks everyone