Just a few rhymes

[Words]

Put this together in one of my classes. Just trying to perfect my writing. Feed is .
Feed:http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=127310&start=15

No Mercy for Naysayers-


Naysayers get away- go farther.
You got half a dick, mine’s harder.
I shred these pricks’ hearts up.
Just that-- when I get the start-up.
I got this power now, I’m so fired-up
Oh fuck you’ve now been blown-up
Cause you came across my lines, stepped on a landmine.
I’m not the one who’s lying
When I say you’re so dumb- half of mind
Your ass is mine, as these bars intertwine.
To reveal this kid - as a villain of the evil kind
On fire, don’t deny, this rhyme, paint me as a liar
While you’re speculating buying items at high prices
I’ll fly from the Effiel Tower, straight into your meijer’s
And as I leave and pop your tires, kind of worse than Mike Meyers.
Cause I could grab a pair of pliers, and tear down all your fliers-
Trying to find your lost dog? Don’t care, I turned all my kind off!

[Just Silver]

good rhyming for the most part as soon as it switches flow:
"Cause you came across my lines, stepped on a landmine."

it goes back with the beginning scheme which i liked
wasnt 100 percent sure about the punchline at the end was stretched about the dog

OVERALL:short and sweet pretty decent keep it up

[Words]

wasnt 100 percent sure about the punchline at the end was stretched about the dog

I was just trying to think of something kind a person would do.

Fliers about a lost dog? Help find the dog.

So I'll do the opposite and rip fliers down

[JamaicanPattlez]

Pretty good, I like the implementations of pauses, very unique. I might use that later. But yeah, liked this drop! Feed me back? viewtopic.php?f=24&t=129972

[Just Silver]

wasnt 100 percent sure about the punchline at the end was stretched about the dog

I was just trying to think of something kind a person would do.

Fliers about a lost dog? Help find the dog.

So I'll do the opposite and rip fliers down

i thought it meant you were a "dog" so you turned away from your "kind "like a missing person lol

[Words]

wasnt 100 percent sure about the punchline at the end was stretched about the dog

I was just trying to think of something kind a person would do.

Fliers about a lost dog? Help find the dog.

So I'll do the opposite and rip fliers down

i thought it meant you were a "dog" so you turned away from your "kind "like a missing person lol

Yeah, reading back over it now it is a little awkward