2AM Verse [FLOW EDITED]

[JamaicanPattlez]

It's late, and fate's got me eating it's cake,
In spades, man, the weight's not feeling innate,
Lately I feel like I'm staying on the same spiel,
Maybe life seals the light and mine's on a game wheel,
Of Fortune, my dream's like a porcelain horse,
Love courts in the minds, seems I'm enforcing of course,
But I can break your heart and get away with one murder,
Some might scrape more parts, man, sex is great but I hurt her,
I'm lost in my thoughts, I'm thinking about random talks,
My God, my shit is flossin', mind drinking, Amanda Knox?
I've got the wine on tap, and we can dine while I rap,
It's not a crime to go crap on a dime who's not fat,
Britney said hold my body, so I figured that I could,
Whitney dancing with somebody, it's that fat nigga Suge,
Now It's 2AM and I made no sense,
Shit's unruly friends, I saved hoes from tents.

http://forum.trshady.com:80/viewtopic.p ... 0#p1781040

I'm honestly exhausted... feed me, y'all.

[mdemaz]

Good looks from a glance, but I notice lack of multies at times...Unless you're using an accent?

[JamaicanPattlez]

Good looks from a glance, but I notice lack of multies at times...Unless You're using an accent?

Tbh it's 2AM, and I'm not sure WHAT I did... I think I did.

[mdemaz]

Good looks from a glance, but I notice lack of multies at times...Unless You're using an accent?

Tbh it's 2AM, and I'm not sure WHAT I did... I think I did.

Lol, word.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Good looks from a glance, but I notice lack of multies at times...Unless You're using an accent?

Tbh it's 2AM, and I'm not sure WHAT I did... I think I did.

Lol, word.

All I know is, it makes sense in my mind.

[Words]

It was really good, but I kinda got lost on the whole jersey shore part.

Good looks from a glance, but I notice lack of multies at times...Unless You're using an accent?

Tbh it's 2AM, and I'm not sure WHAT I did... I think I did.

Lol, word.

That could be why I was lost though^
Overall though a really solid piece, good use of multies....you got a thumbz brah

[JamaicanPattlez]

I don't even really remember writing this last night.

[Sam.]

There's some crazy shit in there bruh ! But whatever it is ,if well Structured and Re-Written can be dope.The content is dope shit and if worked on can have some quotable lines .

Re-Write this tbh doe.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Alright, well I re-wrote it. Hopefully it's a bit better now.

[Sam.]

Alright, well I re-wrote it. Hopefully it's a bit better now.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=131175
Ist

[JamaicanPattlez]

Alright, well I re-wrote it. Hopefully it's a bit better now.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=131175
Ist

I got you man.

[Sam.]

Just adding to what I fed you earlier ,the flow is still a lil ehh at places.

But I can break your heart and get away with one murder,
Some might scrape more parts, man, sex is great but I hurt her,

Dope Rhyming & Flow in this Part.

[JamaicanPattlez]

I figured, lol. No worries haha. Not much you can really do to a verse written at 2AM. I might recycle that line for something...

[Jdubem]

Nice man I enjoyed this whole thing, but I was gonna say especially the first part because your tone there is more serious and meaningful and it rhymes well as does the rest of your verse. That type of stuff is rarer and is definitely noteworthy when someone can do it well which you did a good job at there.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Nice man I enjoyed this whole thing, but I was gonna say especially the first part because your tone there is more serious and meaningful and it rhymes well as does the rest of your verse. That type of stuff is rarer and is definitely noteworthy when someone can do it well which you did a good job at there.

Thanks my dude. Hm.. maybe I'll make a track on that soon.