The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Untouchable

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Untouchable

Postby RainMan44 » Nov 6th, '11, 18:40

A fellow rapper I know sent me a track to lay a verse on. I wrote this verse at first to another beat to have as my own song, then found it fits his beat and theme even better, so I'm going to hopefully lay it on that soon.

(btw, "insane raps" is meant to be said "in-SAAYNEE...RAPS."...Kind of stretching the last 2 syllables out before I end the bar.)

And here is the beat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FDNAMknP_E



The herald of pain to weak cats who dare hold the mic
When you least expect it, I'm known to strike, cold as night
In the middle of the winter in the Arctic region
Catch me out in the darkest evenin', hard I'm schemin'
For the dough but even then man, I'm far from thievin'
Leavin' fake MC's in shock, self esteem is dropped when I beat 'em
So they walk away, head down in shame, you clowns is lame
You found the fame, but "dope" is what you'll never sound, a shame
It is, but we can't help it, when we jump up on a track
And put the game up on our backs, and drop insane raps
Bones hit me up askin' me to roll through
Went up to his lab, couple swishers and some cold brew
You old news, this another dynamic duet
You took a little L and like Miami, you wept
When we take L's, we learn from our wrong doings
L and Bones ain't singin' them same old songs you sing,

We untouchable!





LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=133144&p=1798865#p1798865
Last edited by RainMan44 on Nov 7th, '11, 08:29, edited 1 time in total.
"This dude doing this interview wants me to spin a few,
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."




GOAT
Image
User avatar
RainMan44
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1093
Joined: Nov 21st, '10, 08:51
Location: CA
Gender: Male

Re: Untouchable

Postby Sam. » Nov 6th, '11, 20:54

IDK what to say,this is dope and is gonna serve the purpose for which this was written.
[Rollefsen] - SajN retired, bitch got old, unlike Sams "ladies".
Image
Image
User avatar
Sam.
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 16630
Joined: Jun 7th, '10, 11:10
Location: India
Gender: Male

Re: Untouchable

Postby Mr.DGAF » Nov 8th, '11, 01:14

This is pretty good my man. The multies were seriously on point, like that was impressive how you used them in this. Didn't falter at all, the flow was solid, but like I said, the multies make this verse. Good stuff indeed bruh.

Also, we still need to get a collab in man, I remember it came up a while ago or something, I think, and we mos def need to do that soon.
You'd be surprised...
How many truths you can hide in flows

Image
Image
Quest for Six
Team Emma Stone
Buns till amazing... :')
User avatar
Mr.DGAF
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2349
Joined: Aug 15th, '11, 04:10
Location: In the back seat of your truck, with duct tape stretched out.
Gender: Male

Re: Untouchable

Postby ChristinaE12 » Nov 8th, '11, 02:39

Pretty decent.

The multies were different, if that makes sense. But is a good thing to me. Not predictable at all basically. You kept the same theme throughout which many struggle with so that is a plus.

There isn't much more to say. My only suggestion is try expanding your vocabulary. But everyone should always be doing that anyways. Also to just try new schemes and switch things up. But, anywho, this is a solid drop for what it is.
"If Life's a bitch and revenge is sweet... I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet."

Image
User avatar
ChristinaE12
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 754
Joined: Jun 4th, '10, 17:25
Location: Billings, MT
Gender: Female

Re: Untouchable

Postby autotooner » Nov 8th, '11, 05:17

I like it, these lines are my favorite:

So they walk away, head down in shame, you clowns is lame
You found the fame, but "dope" is what you'll never sound, a shame
Image
User avatar
autotooner
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 226
Joined: Jan 3rd, '06, 01:11
Location: WV
Gender: Male

Re: Untouchable

Postby RainMan44 » Nov 8th, '11, 09:28

Thanks for the feed everyone, appreciate it :b:


@Mr.DGAF, yea, we definitely need to get that collab going. I've been busy with school and have had severe writers block lately (this is the first verse I've written in a long time)...but when I get something going I'll PM you. Or, if you get a theme going and a verse or two, hit me up and maybe I can feed off what you got and finally write. :sweating: :y:
"This dude doing this interview wants me to spin a few,
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."




GOAT
Image
User avatar
RainMan44
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1093
Joined: Nov 21st, '10, 08:51
Location: CA
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot]