Short verse

[autotooner]

This is just a short piece that I wrote down during my lunch break today, no real direction or anything, just something to pass some time.

Lyrics leave the speakers, leaving these divas thinking I'm jesus
Lay me down to sleep I'm dreaming of frequent schemes
Screaming at delinquent teens the things I think,
My ears ring in peace, sheesh, I can't take this shit
Spending my nights in the attic, nailed to the bed
Coughing ecstatic got my brain swelled in my head,
Better when dead is the thought forever embedded
Incased in Jason, got the fans thinking I'm satan
Escaping the hating got me shaking and frightened
I'm not waiting, it's my turn, Jason is breaking for the light and
I'll see yall on the other side of life as I'm aiming the knife and....


feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=133578

[Sam.]

For a throwaway verse this was dope. Good job.

[autotooner]

thanks man

[Sekou]

Pretty much what Sam said. I really liked your rhyming, especially in the beginning of the verse.

[Blu]

I'm guessing the end would leave to a chorus of some sort?

It was nice. I liked it.

[autotooner]

thanks for the feedback guys. I did kind of end it with a cliffhanger like it could lead into a chorus or someone else's verse. I might develop this one a little further. I'll try to post some more of my stuff tomorrow.

[Beak]

Not bad. Good start to the verse

[Sam.]

Be sure to give some detailed feed next time, then only you are allowed to use that as a LOF. Follow the rules or that thread might get Deleted by the Mods or you may even face a section ban. You're a good writer that's why I'm saying this.

[autotooner]

Ok, sorry bro. I'll work on that.