Massacre One (feat. Manîx) [TRACK 8]

[SG.]

[Intro - Zabe]

Hello, people of the world!
You ready for this shit?
Nah, I didn't think so...
But we're massacring you anyway!

[Verse 1 - Manîx]

I'm number one in this game
When you lose, I'm not to blame
Shame you even try to be pure
I'm going kick your ass in this massacre

{Voice Change}

*Scratch Sound*

Manix, I know this intentional
But stop, your rhymes are one dimensional

*Scratch Sound*

{Spoken}

Aight, well then....

Don't mess with me or you'll be ravaged sick
How you gonna manage this savage bitch
His name's Zabe but call him Mr. Fantastic
Cause he'll rap your ass in some damn plastic
He'll master it, plaster it, and package it
You'll need a massive stich if you pass a fist and blast the mist
You'll be the last to piss so grasp your dick before he shatter's it
You passive pricks need a drastic fix, I'll hit you with an elastic mix
Class dismissed! Now pan the text for the brand annex
Look out, it's Zabe with a bland Manix

[Verse 2 - Zabe]

So you're the size of Detroit, I guess you're just Heavy D
No, you say I'm the destroyer? Like my girl leaving me?
You want to be my enemy? I'm left with no choice
I've got a 5'9" like Royce, oh, your death with no voice
To represent you because you don't know where hell hath sent you
Satan's gonna get you cuz God ain't gonna bless you
ACHOO!
Like the spiritual miracle, my lyrics became biblical
You can't bust my genitals, your optimists became cynical
I'm about to become a father, just like Jay-Z
When your fans desert you, and they wanna praise me
Yeah, guys, I'll be your father when you need one
With Manîx as your uncle, you'll never need a gun
We're HARMONISING!
Like Royce and Crooked hopping around their street
We'll shoot you down without even rapping on a beat
So next time you fuck with us, tryna insult my character
Try to remember that shit we did on the massacre

*GUNSHOTS*

LOF:
Zabe - http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=133786
Manîx - http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=133805&p=1805317#p1805317

[Man1x]

You killed me on this, I could write a better verse for tis now then when I wrote this verse back whenever. But good job mate

[autotooner]

Man1x- your verse seemed a little short, the second half had alot of multi's and the internals made it flowed really well IMO.

Zabe- I like your references to other rappers, it seemed like you didn't have as many multi's as Man1x, but your content stayed on point and it was structured well.

Overall I think it was pretty good, is this a text only piece, or will it be recorded? If you do record it, are you gonna add more verses and/or a chorus?

[Man1x]

The song goes BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP

[SG.]

It's not meant to be recorded, but it might feel short because I originally intended to have a *name* verse on here. Unfortunately, he got da block.

[Sam.]

Not a good piece at all, pretty average if you ask me. So..I'll just stick to criticism only.
Man1x-Pretty dope rhyming and flow but the content was nothing special, you actually said some good things at places but the rest was not interesting at all. Work on making the content more appealing.
Zabe- You had interesting lines, but the way you phrased it made it seem like you placed random bars for the fuck of it. Work on than also most importantly add more complexity to your writing.

[Spyder]

agree with Sam, the set up was different but it through me off.
you had some highlight lines but as a whole verse it didnt really impress me.
still need multies... every line. then you can increase the vocab and what not.


and remember, big vocab doesnt mean big words, it just means dont repeat the same
group of words. if you find your self on the same topic. dont say the same thing,
think of a great synonym then write that instead

[SG.]

Judging from recent tracks, I'm guessing my problem is that I can't write "go hard" tracks. A song without a topic doesn't suit me. I either hedge in rhyming or just fuck up the entire verse.

[Spyder]

well thats not what i say so dont take it that way,
and never go hard on yourself, when i started out i didnt know what a multie was.

youll get there man. and once you get punches that basically what go hard tracks are.
if you want to improve, you will

[J.R.]

Crappy Piece, but the multis were good along with Manix's flow. Keep at it.

[Man1x]

I'd like to mention this verse (mine) wa written months ago so it doesn't really reflect my current abilities.

[Spyder]

Crappy Piece, but the multis were good along with Manix's flow. Keep at it.

be a little more helpful, i dont mind you saying it was bad.
just give him why or ways and what to improve

[SG.]

well thats not what i say so dont take it that way,
and never go hard on yourself, when i started out i didnt know what a multie was.

youll get there man. and once you get punches that basically what go hard tracks are.
if you want to improve, you will

I wasn't talking about your feed specifically, I've done pieces like this before with the same response.

Also, in terms of multis, this is pretty weak, but you need to read some of my other pieces (Lights in My Eyes, Summarise, Forgive Me) so you can see I CAN do multis.

[Sam.]

Crappy Piece, but the multis were good along with Manix's flow. Keep at it.

be a little more helpful, i dont mind you saying it was bad.
just give him why or ways and what to improve

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=99315

4) Constructive Criticism - Do not enter a thread for the sole purpose of insulting someone or their work. If you do not like their piece (song, verse, etc) please explain why. Pointless comments will be deleted and a point/warning to your account will be considered.

[RainMan44]

Man1x, I liked your verse, good rhyming, but the first 5 bars I had trouble picking up the flow. It got better as your verse progressed, though. The content was dope too

Zabe, I've read better verses from you, though this wasn't that bad. I liked the idea you had for it, but I think the execution of it was a bit off. I liked the Heavy D line

Overall, decent drop guys. Looking forward for more drops


P.S sorry I responded late with the feed you asked for. I was a bit busy for a while.