jerk

[Ka0t1c]

link of feedback: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=134016&start=45

allow me to explain how i became a jerk cuz words are my crane
alcohol turned me insane so now i'm berserk, i'm not proud of my pain
down on this earth i found what i'm worth
but i'll always remain underground like the dirt
cuz i change my album's hard work, plus i don't follow the fame
what's my problem, i hurt, i've bottled up my strengths
also doubtin my courage helps me fall down the ranks
well, my route has reversed, tell em all thanks
cuz i'm probably much worse than what you've encountered first
when i was takin my money straight out my banks
but i've got a hunger and a thirst which bubbles in my veins
and wants to emerge from my struggles obtained, hauntin since birth
i aint walkin away, i'm a hunter; i search and stalk upon my prey
i'm perched, watchin the lane, if you're in the outskirts
don't talk about my name, you're bound to get hurt
since i'm an expert, it ougghta be arranged

[Sam.]

I must say that the thoughts that were put behind this verse were really raw and it's like the things that we see and encounter in real life.This verse for some strange reason reminds me of "Slug" & "Spoonfull" songs, the style that you used is very much similar to theirs.

The Rhyming was decent and the flow was on point, here again I used the flow of the two Rappers that I mentioned in the 1st Paragraph.

The criticism that I would give you is make the Multis more complex, no doubt you used some but they were kinda weird and not well organized.Use the Multis in an organised way, only then you can make them more complex/simple or whatever.

Keep slayin 'em.

[Ka0t1c]

alright, that's my new goal i have been working on recently, i just haven't got a full verse out yet, so i put this one out since it was easier to put together, thanx, i appreciate it

[Mr.DGAF]

This is some pretty solid stuff man. The rhymes were pretty good, and you definitely have multies down. It's all about placement though, for me. And like Sam said, sometimes the placement of the multies in this didn't feel right. And there was one line, where the rhyme ended with "encountered first", and unless there's an accent, I didn't really think that rhymed well with the end rhyme of the line under or above of it.

But that's a minor complaint man, this was a tight verse man. I had the flow for it, the rhymes were good, and the concept was pretty damn nice bruh. Good stuff.