Through My Eyes

[Eedee]

Link of Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=134016&start=45

Just another something.

The ground is open to me, I'm falling through it.
My mouth has broken teeth, from balling too hard, bitch -
for me to slapped verbally, no words be hurtin' me,
Bout to unlock a door of whoop ass, search for keys...
But damn, no matter how much I try,
I get madder which each step and I fret and flex, stuffing my -
self to the brim with lies and guilt,
eyes are built from twisted truth, applied the spilt -
blood of my enemies onto my skin, a fuckin' Hannibal,
yeah it's cliche to say it, but the day has come to be an animal.
So should I bark, moo, meow, growl or sing?
Should I woodpeck your eyes out or swallow you whole like a fish?
I'm rusty, but I'm comfy, so here's something to think about,
You're a prick now, you sick clown, so sit down and dick around.
I've been through my own personal shit, I know,
So it's ammo for my arsenal, don't be a bitch'n lie though...

[Sam.]

The Rhyming is really impressive man.The way the Inner Rhymes connected were absolutely perfect.The content is a little ehh after the 1st few bars.It was good but lacked a appeal and I lost interest as soon I read the rest of the piece, work on that.

The flow was on point until it hit the following bars.

I'm rusty, but I'm comfy, so here's something to think about,
You're a prick now, you sick clown, so sit down and dick around.

Other wise a good verse.

[Eedee]

Thanks for the feed, man!

[Man1x]

Really everything what Sam said, I liked the piece but it got boring. You executed your rhymes well and the structure was one key with a good flow but you should try a more interesting topic that really grabs your readers. Yeah, good piece though bro, keep with the dope.

[Sam.]

You're a Rapper, when you add some beats to this it will be fine. Don't get dis heartened by the feed.

[Wreck]

Some lines here were good. I liked these specific rhymes, because they were simple, and fitting.

The inner lines were good too, nice structure.

Some lines were kind of goofy, like the meow line, but overall, I liked this piece man. Keep grinding.