Creeper

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 2nd, '11, 08:56

I'm known to get blown off by the hottest women,
Until they saw my lower dome that I'm concealing,
Promised them a date, they showed up a little late,
I guess they beefed with fate cause then I threw 'em in a lake,
Being creep means that I'll be inspecting your panties,
Raiding your pantry, now answer me or I'm wrecking your Granny,
Do you see my new dance, I have the moves like Jagger,
I'm wearing tight blue pants, so I have the glutes like fat girls,
Now I might try to lie and say that I'm a nice guy,
But I'm such a dick that it could make a dyke cry,
Walked through the parade and start complaining to GLAAD,
While I'm mocking all the gays, I hotly keep saying "U MAAD"?
"That was offensive!" No, it's funny as fuck!
I mean who else could've prevented people running amok?
I'm the Dennis the Menace, and y'all are just a Wilson,
Now I meant it when I said that I'm all but sincering!

http://forum.trshady.com:80/viewtopic.p ... 5#p1814415

Wrote this to escape writer's block lmao.

by **Sam.** » Dec 2nd, '11, 19:49

LMAO! This shit is hilarious. I lol’d at some of the lines (UMAD line was crazy as fuck).The best thing about this verse is that it has a story element with added humor which makes this enjoyable. I appreciate the imagination that you managed to bring forward with this piece.

The flow was on point and multis were tight for most of the verse. The only thing that acted as a spoil sport was the 1st and the last bar, both had some strange ending words that didn’t rhyme at all. I tried bending it but it was too hard for me.

Keep slayin 'em :y:

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 2nd, '11, 20:59

Sam. wrote:LMAO! This shit is hilarious. I lol’d at some of the lines (UMAD line was crazy as fuck).The best thing about this verse is that it has a story element with added humor which makes this enjoyable. I appreciate the imagination that you managed to bring forward with this piece.

The flow was on point and multis were tight for most of the verse. The only thing that acted as a spoil sport was the 1st and the last bar, both had some strange ending words that didn’t rhyme at all. I tried bending it but it was too hard for me.

Keep slayin 'em

Thanks man! :y:

LMAO I caught mad controversy when I posted this on my facebook. :laughing:

Got called homophobic, an asshole and not a real MC lmao. Too funny. With those lines, I tried bending the words and had an "ill" sound to it and stressed on the I sound. Maybe I done goofed though. Haha oh well.

by **Sam.** » Dec 2nd, '11, 21:10

That shit cray!

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 3rd, '11, 19:16

It is! This one's slept on though. :coffee:

by **Wreck** » Dec 3rd, '11, 23:24

JamaicanPattlez wrote:I'm known to get blown off by the hottest women,
Until they saw my lower dome that I'm concealing,
Promised them a date, they showed up a little late,
I guess they beefed with fate cause then I threw 'em in a lake,
Being creep means that I'll be inspecting your panties,
Raiding your pantry, now answer me or I'm wrecking your Granny,
Do you see my new dance, I have the moves like Jagger,
I'm wearing tight blue pants, so I have the glutes like fat girls,
Now I might try to lie and say that I'm a nice guy,
But I'm such a dick that it could make a dyke cry,
Walked through the parade and start complaining to GLAAD,
While I'm mocking all the gays, I hotly keep saying "U MAAD"?
"That was offensive!" No, it's funny as fuck!
I mean who else could've prevented people running amok?
I'm the Dennis the Menace, and y'all are just a Wilson,
Now I meant it when I said that I'm all but sincering!

http://forum.trshady.com:80/viewtopic.p ... 5#p1814415

Wrote this to escape writer's block lmao.

lmao some of these lines had me laughing, not as a diss, but just funny. Like:

Being creep means that I'll be inspecting your panties,
Raiding your pantry, now answer me or I'm wrecking your Granny,

Overall, decent piece bro, keep workin on it though, you're starting to improve gradually. Some lines can be funny to mix in with punches, but not all of them have to contain humor in them. Not saying you did that, just saying in general.

Flow was the best part, keep working on the lyrics bro :y:

. We got this masterpiece coming though for sho.

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 3rd, '11, 23:51

Thank you sir! Haha. Indeed it will be! :y:

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 4th, '11, 00:09

Geno wrote:It's pretty funny haha.

I think you added filler in the "u maad" line though. I think it sounds better without the "hotly keep saying" part. That's awkward to say.

Try it and let me know

Maybe

"While I'm mocking the gays, saying U MAAD"

Hmm... For me, it flows better when I take out "hotly", so yeaaaah. :tounge2:

Nah I get what you mean.

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 4th, '11, 00:29

I think it flows better now haha. :y:

by **Wreck** » Dec 4th, '11, 00:50

JamaicanPattlez wrote:Thank you sir! Haha. Indeed it will be!

by **Innovation** » Dec 11th, '11, 17:25

Well written and very witty. I enjoyed it, good job mate! :y:

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 11th, '11, 18:31

Innovation wrote:Well written and very witty. I enjoyed it, good job mate!

Thanks dude! I appreciate it. :happy:

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