Rage of the Pen II

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 2nd, '11, 19:45

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=134229&p=1814685#p1814685

I don't need friendship, I don't need no love feelin',
All I breathe is penmanship, and I won't see the old vision,
Can you feel my own vibe when my paper connects?
Can I reel you to my life then have my haters forget?
I feel like my mind's my own personal universe,
And I get lost in time, it's worse than a curse you imbursed,
And little did I know that the sun came down,
So I figured I won't grow until the fun comes 'round,
Then I struggle with my words and end up searching on Google,
Now I'm muddled in my world and I'm cursing the youthful,
Cause now I start to think about the problems we have,
Now how many young people we got locked in rehab?
As I'm sitting back watching y'all throttle your bottles,
I'm thinking that the qualms are that y'all model whore problems,
That's why I'm in my room and away from my friends,
I guess I'm a recluse by the rage of the pen.

Flowed on this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKK5HMfJZzc

Try to read it without Proof in the background or remember the melody. I feel like I fell off a bit lately, hopefully this is an improvement!

by **Sam.** » Dec 2nd, '11, 20:55

Mothafucka :worship:

This is hella dope, I cant find anything to pick and critic. This shit is on some Pro-Level if you ask me.

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 2nd, '11, 21:02

Sam. wrote:Mothafucka
This is hella dope, I cant find anything to pick and critic. This shit is on some Pro-Level if you ask me.

Thanks man. :worship:

I made this right after "Creeper" since everyone got pissed at me. :laughing:

I took EmBase's advice on this and tried to sequence my words carefully on the beat, along with maintaining the flow in the entire song. :y:

by **Sam.** » Dec 2nd, '11, 21:08

He did? That's great. :y:

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 2nd, '11, 21:12

Yeah, it's in Prolific Writing where I was asking for a bit of why Eminem's the best. It made me really notice how flow's REAL important and why Em was such a perfectionist. :y:

by **Wreck** » Dec 2nd, '11, 23:45

Parts of this were very nice, some other parts I didn't quite understand it, but it was a very good read overall. Good job. Keep grinding man :smoking:

.

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 3rd, '11, 00:19

Wreck wrote:Parts of this were very nice, some other parts I didn't quite understand it, but it was a very good read overall. Good job. Keep grinding man .

Thanks man! :smoking:

by **Ka0t1c** » Dec 3rd, '11, 01:37

dope, i enjoyed it for sure :y:

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 3rd, '11, 02:00

Ka0t1c wrote:dope, i enjoyed it for sure

Thanks man! :smoking:

by **Mr.DGAF** » Dec 3rd, '11, 02:21

This is far and away the most impressive thing I've seen from you. One of my gripes, and it's only minor, with most of your stuff is that it's kinda got like some colloquialism in there. And some of us, myself included sometimes, don't understand or get the context of some words you use haha. But that's minor, it just seems a bit odd. But this piece is banging, the topic is awesome, the writing is fantastic, the rhymes flow easily. It's just an all around really good piece bruh, keep it up.

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 3rd, '11, 02:44

Mr.DGAF wrote:This is far and away the most impressive thing I've seen from you. One of my gripes, and it's only minor, with most of your stuff is that it's kinda got like some colloquialism in there. And some of us, myself included sometimes, don't understand or get the context of some words you use haha. But that's minor, it just seems a bit odd. But this piece is banging, the topic is awesome, the writing is fantastic, the rhymes flow easily. It's just an all around really good piece bruh, keep it up.

Thanks man. :worship:

Could you point out what you mean? I'll try to explain.

by **Mr.DGAF** » Dec 3rd, '11, 02:50

Well I mean, words like bloke and stuff that's particular only to a certain region is all I can think of off the top of my head. I may have just read that part a lot and thought I had seen it more often, as I can tend to confuse myself haha.

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 3rd, '11, 02:54

Haha you know what, I think it's due to the fact that I tend to force rhymes at times. I'm trying to crack the habit. :y:

by **Wreck** » Dec 3rd, '11, 03:16

JamaicanPattlez wrote:
Wreck wrote:Parts of this were very nice, some other parts I didn't quite understand it, but it was a very good read overall. Good job. Keep grinding man .

Thanks man!

I read it again, and now I like it even more. Much props. We should collab on here if you're down.

by **JamaicanPattlez** » Dec 3rd, '11, 03:48

Wreck wrote:
JamaicanPattlez wrote:
Wreck wrote:Parts of this were very nice, some other parts I didn't quite understand it, but it was a very good read overall. Good job. Keep grinding man .

Thanks man!

I read it again, and now I like it even more. Much props. We should collab on here if you're down.

Haha for sure man! Oh, check out Creeper, guys!

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