Excuse my Behavior

[Mr.DGAF]

Okay, wrote this for shit's and giggles. All I've done is serious pieces, never just fucked around and I was kind of inspired to do some crazy shit. So, hope y'all enjoy. And be warned, it's semi offensive.

My brain's a catalyst for those who want to get their freak on
I'm crazed, I'll smack a bitch, molest her family on my Nissan
I meant the car I raped my niece on, just imagine her eyes
When I told her it wasn't rape if I just yelled out "surprise"!
I surmised I'm an abortionist, by yanking out my penis
Then contorting it and stabbing it all up inside her fetus
Pull a baby out and eat it, offer seconds to my girlfriend
Then I yank it back and shank the fat bitch, make her world end
I'm lying, don't have a girlfriend, bitches hate the sight of me
They're always screaming "Oh my God, whys he knifing me?"
Couldn't make it to my prom, I was too busy spiking your juice
Better know I was lacing something while you're tying your shoes
Then go find a time machine, go back, insiminate my mother
Now I'm fathering myself, see I used an invisible rubber


Feed: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=134445

[Sam.]

Holy fuck dude. That was the sickest shit that I've read in awhile. This was nothing like the usual "Rhyme Asylum" type of horror, but it was a level beyond that and was in altogether in a different direction.

Keeping that aside, I must say that you handled the verse smoothly. The best thing is that you managed to keep the Chronological Event is place and didn't fuck up. The story that you told was was very complex and every following events were executed properly, props on that.I can't critic this because it has nothing wrong with it. I can only sing praises about this work.

Keep slayin 'em ~ Eminem.

[RainMan44]

Okay, wrote this for shit's and giggles. All I've done is serious pieces, never just fucked around and I was kind of inspired to do some crazy shit. So, hope y'all enjoy. And be warned, it's semi offensive.

My brain's a catalyst for those who want to get their freak on
I'm crazed, I'll smack a bitch, molest her family on my Nissan
I meant the car I raped my niece on, just imagine her eyes
When I told her it wasn't rape if I just yelled out "surprise"!
I surmised I'm an abortionist, by yanking out my penis
Then contorting it and stabbing it all up inside her fetus
Pull a baby out and eat it, offer seconds to my girlfriend
Then I yank it back and shank the fat bitch, make her world end
I'm lying, don't have a girlfriend, bitches hate the sight of me
They're always screaming "Oh my God, whys he knifing me?"
Couldn't make it to my prom, I was too busy spiking your juice
Better know I was lacing something while you're tying your shoes
Then go find a time machine, go back, insiminate my mother
Now I'm fathering myself, see I used an invisible rubber


Feed: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=134445

This is dope as hell, I really liked this. I love the imagery. The cadence is on point, especially in the first 2 bars.

"My brain's a catalyst for those who want to get their freak on
I'm crazed, I'll smack a bitch, molest her family on my Nissan."


There is a lot of internal rhymes in addition to the multies. A lot of repeated sounds within this verse and that's a plus, makes the verse sound that much better and provides a balanced kind of flow. I like that


All in all this is a nice ass piece and I'm looking forward to more

[Mr.DGAF]

Haha, thanks guys! First time I've really gotten weird with stuff.

Bump man, feed this stuff please fellas, I need some kind of idea about this work.

[Sam.]

I surmised I'm an abortionist, by yanking out my penis
Then contorting it and stabbing it all up inside her fetus

lol

Great shit man, had a Rhyme Asylum-ish flow, I assume you're from UK? Cuz that's the way it flowed in my head, and it flowed awesome. Nothing much bad for me to say about this, keep doing that shit.

Loved that part.

[SliK]

Good piece, you've used imagery very well in this verse without having to sacrifice any of the multies or the flow. The content was good for what it was, certainly not boring or played out. I respect a lyricist that can keep a concept or an idea alive, for example you mention your girlfriend then continue to talk on the subject of a girlfriend in the next line. It gives the piece some consistency and coherency and makes the reader more invested in what you're saying. It's easy to just drop 16 random punches when you're just spazzing out, so it was good that you gave your verse a narrative.

I liked it, over all it was a dope piece.