Confine me

[J.R.]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=135651

The confines combine to bind me down,
The eye clouded by hate blinds me now.
I die slowly, my body finds the ground.
People want to judge me, like I'm alone around..
Confine me to the chamber of those who are lonely,
And you will soon see I need someone to hold me
I drift for friends, no hope for love,
I'm shit again, I'm sitting dumb..
I let being alone, control my spirit once more..
But now I embrace it, I'm depressions favorite whore.
I'm a backstabbing, hurtful little prick..
I think i know it, when i don't know shit.
I'm measly, and I'm ready to face it,
My hate is steady, the beast inside craves it..
If I could limn it out for you I might,
But maybe just then you'd realize I'm not bright,
I wanna dictate the restrictions I live in,
First there's no fix to the hate that I'm given,
Can't get shit straight, Can't figure out why I'm driven..
Some love and playful release is what I'm missing..

[J.R.]

Bump

[Spyder]

flow felt like it switched up, pretty good though especially how i flowed it when it switched.
multies were ok but this was a more emo piece than a pure lyrical piece so that doesnt matter too much

only critique i have is dont swear as often, yes it conveys emotion but rhyming prick with shit
seems amateur ya know?

other than that just try to incorporate mutlies and inners IN with emotion and a constant flow


keep at it bro

[Wreck]

The theme of this was really good, and you had the message going in the right direction, but some lines seemed really force.

Lyrics were decent
Flow was pretty good

Just work on your vocab man, but good job though .

[Ka0t1c]

like I'm alone around..

yeah, that part threw it off, good rhyming tho, keep at it, even when u think you have had it, release the madness, wreak some havoc.... ninja vanish

[J.R.]

Thanks..I've been trying to go back to my old shit, and improve in my own ways..like NAME said, I just seemed to downgrade from my first piece here. Hope I'm achieving this, I'll let my work talk for me though.