December Fifteenth

[JamaicanPattlez]

Today, a year ago, I decided to become a rapper. Since then, my life's changed in a huge and amazing way. So I'm dropping a piece here basically to celebrate. Hope you enjoy it..
LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=136026

A year ago my flow was moldy, and homie I was slowly growing,
I feared my folks would go and scold me, yet only to be supporting,
My mom was a skeptic, yet it's funny to see things change,
And I've gotten through the hectic, spent this money to wreak this game,
I would sit in my room, grooming my skill to the max,
And I could shit on these rumors that I'm losing feelings in rap,
And that's when the haters came and started to psych me out,
Now it's a bout with these clowns, I'm tame with a mighty mouth,
Fast forward six months where I had to deal with dicks and cunts,
Man of course it's a bit fun when I instill fear, the shit was dumb,
But I keep writing, fighting to find the right line in my rhymes,
Yet they're cheap biting, crying that I might bind my mind with my grind,
And time flies when I think about it, look where I've came to,
The blind lies on the brink of this, they couldn't see that I stayed true,
Looking back, that was all something I remember distinct,
I'm booking tracks that are all coming, December Fifteenth.

[Sam.]

Post Count:1111

I can start of my FB by applauding your presence of mind and how that reflected in this verse.This topic calls for being more descriptive in approach, this is very short, tbh. The level of detailing that I found in this should have been supported by more connecting lines,nahimean?

None the less, I enjoyed this Verse just like you other pieces, but there's something that bugged me.It's this Bar in particular.

Fast forward six months where I had to deal with dicks and cunts,
Man of course it's a bit fun when I instill fear, the shit was dumb,

I don't know what you were trying to say through this, but they seemed pretty random to me homie. Were you referring to the "haters" that you mentioned in the previous line?

Overall this was okay, as I said earlier needed to be longer.

[JamaicanPattlez]

I was thinking of a hook, but I didn't really feel like it needed that. Maybe it should've been 10 bars?

And yes, I was gonna squeeze "in them" to the line you're questioning, but due to syllable counting, the flow sounded off to me. Thanks for the fb!

[JamaicanPattlez]

This shit is awesome, great emotion, vibe is clear, rhyming is top-notch and flow for the most time awesome minus a slip here:

But I keep writing, fighting to find the right line in my rhymes,
Yet they're cheap biting, crying that I might bind my mind with my grind,

Great attempt at doing *insert its name here* but it has a structure mistake tbh, it didn't flow right for me.

But shit was impressive as usual, awesome, awesome content and shit. You know how to use words man, that's almost the best thing about this piece, you explained and told everything perfectly, giving great visions when reading. Awesome work dawg.

Thanks man. That particular bar I hoped that people would go "OH SHIIIIIIT!!" at, but I still have quite the journey ahead of me.

[mdemaz]

Hmm..Interesting read.


Um, it was hard without a beat to really flow but it looks alright from here.

Good shit.
Not much I can say, the bars lined up nicely.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Thanks guys! Obie Trice flow? Dope.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Thanks guys! Obie Trice flow? Dope.

Word! Reminded me of Obie spitting it haha

. Interesting though how I have similar flows to different people. I hope I'm not biting them.

[RainMan44]

Today, a year ago, I decided to become a rapper. Since then, my life's changed in a huge and amazing way. So I'm dropping a piece here basically to celebrate. Hope you enjoy it..
LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=136026

A year ago my flow was moldy, and homie I was slowly growing,
I feared my folks would go and scold me, yet only to be supporting,
My mom was a skeptic, yet it's funny to see things change,
And I've gotten through the hectic, spent this money to wreak this game,
I would sit in my room, grooming my skill to the max,
And I could shit on these rumors that I'm losing feelings in rap,
And that's when the haters came and started to psych me out,
Now it's a bout with these clowns, I'm tame with a mighty mouth,
Fast forward six months where I had to deal with dicks and cunts,
Man of course it's a bit fun when I instill fear, the shit was dumb,
But I keep writing, fighting to find the right line in my rhymes,
Yet they're cheap biting, crying that I might bind my mind with my grind,
And time flies when I think about it, look where I've came to,
The blind lies on the brink of this, they couldn't see that I stayed true,
Looking back, that was all something I remember distinct,
I'm booking tracks that are all coming, December Fifteenth.

I fucking loved reading this. The flow is very nice. It's smooth and in your face at the same time, I think it's the fact that you use words with repeated sounds throughout the whole thing....kind of like rhymes scattered everywhere.

The content was dope, and your rhyming game was on point as well. I think you could have gotten into a bit more detail, but again this was nicely done. The "dicks and cunts" line wasn't bad, but I just don't feel it fit particularly well with the tone/mood of the rest of the verse.

Other than that, everything was dopeness.

Nicely done bro.

Mind feeding me? viewtopic.php?f=24&t=137111

[JamaicanPattlez]

Thanks a lot man! Will do.

[Words]

Fantastic man, I can see you've come a long way in one year. Technically speaking, it was a good piece, rhyming and flow was good. Then with the story telling aspect you used, showing everyone where you were as a writer a year ago, made this a great drop.

A year ago my flow was moldy, and homie I was slowly growing,
I feared my folks would go and scold me, yet only to be supporting,
My mom was a skeptic, yet it's funny to see things change,
And I've gotten through the hectic, spent this money to wreak this game

That first bit there, was the best imo. I really liked the technical aspect of this part, the multies in the first line. It was a really strong start for the piece.

Good job Pattlez

[JamaicanPattlez]

Fantastic man, I can see you've come a long way in one year. Technically speaking, it was a good piece, rhyming and flow was good. Then with the story telling aspect you used, showing everyone where you were as a writer a year ago, made this a great drop.

A year ago my flow was moldy, and homie I was slowly growing,
I feared my folks would go and scold me, yet only to be supporting,
My mom was a skeptic, yet it's funny to see things change,
And I've gotten through the hectic, spent this money to wreak this game

That first bit there, was the best imo. I really liked the technical aspect of this part, the multies in the first line. It was a really strong start for the piece.

Good job Pattlez

Thanks man! Hopefully in Year 2 I can start writing the craziest drops ever seen in TR. I'm working at it!