Scape GOAT [Practice Verse]

[J.R.]

Well I've done three or four practice verses on multis; flows; etc. I try to make the subjects..interesting but you know, just for practice on those. Feed please!

LOF:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=143617&p=1863901#p1863901

Scape goat-


I've been brutally pushed and shoved,
Shooked and hug'd, by the dudes above'
Who just love to claim that their such great MC's
Same pussies who run when they see Men bleed'
Then feed upon the weak like a bully acting like a battler;
They seethe and shrink, their Rapping's gettin Sadder
They reek of crap, Run in gangs, jackin off their master.
Speaking of trash, Their language is like Ohh slackey, faster!
These guys can't admit their a bunch of crappy rappers;
They choke on stage and on cocks, fucking' Happy gaggers;

[Mr.DGAF]

The multies are improving man, there's still some suspect rhymes in there but I can honestly say that your multi game on this was better than most pieces I've seen you drop. The flow is tight, you're doing that pretty well with each practice verse. But sometimes the way you word things can come off as weird. Like, the phrasing of some lines comes off as goofy. The line about their language being like 'Oh, slackey faster' comes to mind. I get what it's implying, but the way its worded just doesn't express the thoughts as well as it could.

[J.R.]

Okay I'll work on wording things better:)

[SchunductionStudios]

The rhyme scheme was good. Though I have not seen your other work, I would say you are on the right track. When is the full thing going to be done?

[J.R.]

If you mean my first non-practice verse? Probably within a week or so..but I doubt it'll be my own track.

[JamaicanPattlez]

It's pretty good for a practice verse. Your multies are pretty strong. Good job. Now, trick is to write a solid piece that makes sense, AND is lyrical.

[Man1x]

To short to really judge. Make it longer man

[RainMan44]

Well I've done three or four practice verses on multis; flows; etc. I try to make the subjects..interesting but you know, just for practice on those. Feed please!

LOF:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=143617&p=1863901#p1863901

Scape goat-


I've been brutally pushed and shoved,
Shooked and hug'd, by the dudes above'
Who just love to claim that their such great MC's
Same pussies who run when they see Men bleed'
Then feed upon the weak like a bully acting like a battler;
They seethe and shrink, their Rapping's gettin Sadder
They reek of crap, Run in gangs, jackin off their master.
Speaking of trash, Their language is like Ohh slackey, faster!
These guys can't admit their a bunch of crappy rappers;
They choke on stage and on cocks, fucking' Happy gaggers;

i thought you started off well, but it gradually declined as the piece progressed. there were some nice multies, also some that i felt where a bit forced. i like what you did with the repeated "a" sounds near the end though. this was by no means a bad piece, average. not bad, but not ur best work ive seen better from you and know you can do better. but this was a nice little practice piece.

keep at it son


return the fav please? id appreciate it


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