The Tears

[Slim Fiasco]

I've done some more writing in preparation for the Fiasco challenge. This time I tried my pen with some personification. I had this idea to use tears as a metaphor for people's emotions and different moods, which of course is something that affects everybody. So yeah, consoling friends can be a bitch and I put this in a phone communication.

link of feedback: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146061

Here are some tears, born in different eyes
The first conceived by joy, the second by disguise
The third was made in fear, none to my surprise
It seems that we talk together almost every week
A wide range of topics, our emotions love to speak
Sometimes I’m the happy one, but number one is busy
Got a missed call from three, she may be feeling dizzy
Soon enough I get a message, it’s the damn bills again
They keep sending threats, and they keep going ham
Nothing I could do, except to maybe send some money
But if I am to do that, two will start looking at me funny
Claiming number one should have known much better
But she would rather use me, thinking that she’s clever
My battery is getting low, and I’m nearing a tunnel
Same with my patience, as if I’ve dropped it in a funnel
Friendship is my homeboy, but the guy can be so tiring
I feel like yelling in his face, he’s lucky my anger is expiring

[mdemaz]

Great read, dude.

I like how you went back to basic rhyming, that's interesting.

It actually gives you more of a chance to vent and talk about the social issues you wrote about here without worrying about writer's block.

[Slim Fiasco]

Great read, dude.

I like how you went back to basic rhyming, that's interesting.

It actually gives you more of a chance to vent and talk about the social issues you wrote about here without worrying about writer's block.

Haha, exactly! I was worried that the piece may look as a children's story or poem, but as long as I get my point across, I guess it's good enough. Thanks for the feedback!

[Slim Fiasco]

Yeah man the first thing I noticed was the basic rhyme scheme and like mdemaz said it gives you more chance to talk and it is pretty well-done. Nice execution of the metaphor, this piece is pretty creative man, so far my favourite by you. Keep progressing bruh.

Thanks bro, that's what I'm aiming for!! I'm progressing a lot better with you and the others helping me out, so you know I appreciate it. We will kill that challenge