Spears

[Slim Fiasco]

link of feedback - viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146101&p=1922807#p1922807

I would love to stab Britney with a spear
Shave her head off, and use it as my beard
I’ll rob her house, steal every piece of dime
Take a bat, and hit her babies one more time
Then I’ll proceed to Jessica Alba’s stupid crib
Find Warren, get his cash, kill him, and leave
Fuck fingerprints, I’m leaving a picture of me
My twitter link too, saying: “please, follow me”
If they really do, then nothing else will matter
Cause I’ll have them discuss emotions… with Aftermathers
And if they lack the substance, they’ll be in it for good
By the time they’re done, I’ll be living in a different hood
Preparing my next attack and loading my weapons
So stay tuned, I’ll inform you on my crimes, as they fucking happen

That line about the fingerprints sounds familiar to me. Did Em have something like that? I may have stolen the idea by accident.

[Slim Fiasco]

Lmao, there's some hilarious lines in there. My favorite line was when you said you was gonna kill that bitch ***** Cash Warren hahaha.

I loved your punchlines a lot here, the twitter line was pretty creative, the Aftermathers reference is hilarious, and your rhyming improved a lot as I rarely see two words that don't rhyme and it all flowed like a river, you're on fire bruh, you're on fire. Great shit mane.

hahah, I was laughing myself man. I love when some random ish like that pops up in my head. And thanks for the good words, as I said in the other piece/thread, it helps a lot and we will kill the upcoming challenge. I will try to keep a constant level of quality. I'm definitely looking forward to your pieces as well.

Oh and my favorite line was the one with hitting Britney's babies. It ties in with that song of hers, but I also love the idea of having beaten them up, and then to hit them once again as a goodbye after I have robbed the house, lol.

[mdemaz]

There's really not much to say, another fun piece to read.

Fun name-drops and humor too.

[Slim Fiasco]

There's really not much to say, another fun piece to read.

Fun name-drops and humor too.

That's enough man. Thanks!

[Gummybur]

Hahahahaha, those first 4 lines were like 4 critical hits in a game, overkill on Brittany. I laughed so hard haha.

[Mr.DGAF]

Some funny lines in here haha. Again, the rhyming is decent, all things considered. Some seemeda bit forced, but I think I caught a 4 syllable multie with the "in it for good/different hood" line. But yeah, it's cool to see a topical rhyme from you. I peeped the last drop, and it was definitely a good idea, but I don't think it was executed as well as it could have been. This, however, is pretty well executed. The Twitter line is my favorite of them all, very creative. Ha me wishing I thought of it haha.

[Slim Fiasco]

You namedropped Aftermathers. You win automatically.

Haha, I had to say shit about that bitch.

Hahahahaha, those first 4 lines were like 4 critical hits in a game, overkill on Brittany. I laughed so hard haha.

LOL, yeah man, as I said earlier that was my favorite part as well. When I refer to something in a line, I usually try to expand on it at least for another two or three lines. And Britney is very inspiring given the shit she's done.

Some funny lines in here haha. Again, the rhyming is decent, all things considered. Some seemeda bit forced, but I think I caught a 4 syllable multie with the "in it for good/different hood" line. But yeah, it's cool to see a topical rhyme from you. I peeped the last drop, and it was definitely a good idea, but I don't think it was executed as well as it could have been. This, however, is pretty well executed. The Twitter line is my favorite of them all, very creative. Ha me wishing I thought of it haha.

Thanks man, I appreciate the feedback, haha! And yeah, as you know I'm trying to improve from piece to piece so it'll hopefully get even better. However, you need to remember that this is just practice verses so not much time has been spent on them. Not that I can make something jaw-dropping but since I do it for fun, you know what you should expect.

Not bad, felt very Slim Shady-esque, probably cuz of the Britney line lol I liked that Twitter line a lot cuz I had recently been writing a verse and had a very similar line like that (I'll try dropping it today/tomorrow).

Lyrics of beating up babies is always enjoyable too haha

Yeah, I actually had Em's voice in my head, from all those '99 freestyles, so it was definitely Em inspired. Hah, I'd like to see how you've flipped the twitter ish, and beating babies up is awesome indeed, haha.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

HAAHA this is a cool piece man, very funny and definitely had a slim shady feel to it which I really like keep it up dude!

[Slim Fiasco]

HAAHA this is a cool piece man, very funny and definitely had a slim shady feel to it which I really like keep it up dude!

THank you bro, your feedback is much appreciated!