Freeverse (Fiasco Day 1)

[CrashBand]

Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146158

I'm the first to admit it, I never understood the world
Dreaming of ferarri red, riding with the hooded girls
Arguing with men of straw, living the suburban drawl
Filled with naivety because I've never worked at all
As you've heard before, I'm a son of a bitch
The more Im stuck at uni, the dumber I get
Girls that know me say fuck he's a dick
Don't know I nearly had a newly unborn couple of kids

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Awesome piece dude!! I havent seen many verses from you but this is really good!! The multis were on point the whole time and it flowed really well! Nice job, looking forward to seeing the rest of your tracks for the challenge!

[Slim Fiasco]

Good piece man, I loved the idea and the rhyming. As InsaneTRex94 said, that last line was dope, I really liked that one. I also liked this one as well:

Arguing with men of straw, living the suburban drawl
Filled with naivety because I've never worked at all

So yeah, great job overall, and I'm looking forward to your next drop!

[Mr.DGAF]

This is one of my favorite's from day 1. Everything was really good man, some really good lines. It was a nice change from some of the verses from the first day, this had a far more laid back feel to it. The line name pointed out is a bit tough, I struggled with the flow the first time. It's the first for words for me, tripped me up. But it flows on it's own, so it's not like it was bad. Just hard to catch at first.

[SG.]

This is the first piece I've read from you and honestly I loved it. Very different from the other pieces that were posted on Day 1. I can't say much that others haven't already said, so good job.

[MikeNUFC]

I don't know if this has any truth to it, but the start and middle was actually believable, despite it's humour, which is impressive. The rhyming was solid again the last 2 lines were really nicely done but I felt the repetition of 'show' was a bit awkward.

I also felt these lines:

So button your lip you bitch I'm here to intimidate
You inconsistent critic, let me fuckin demonstrate

were a bit poor. I know they're filler but the rhyme is very awkward sounding and 'inconsistent critic' seems an odd word choice.

Good piece overall, though.